Remedy for low self esteem

[Callmepale]

I have a history of anxiety and depression. I've often found my symptoms just sort of come and go without any warning. Since I had my son 2 years ago when I suffered from PND, I can honestly say I felt I'd come out of the other side.

Things are ok. My partner and I both work and can just about afford nursery and having loving family to help with childcare too. It's a happy house where we laugh a lot. Over the last few weeks however, I've felt so low about myself.

My confidence has been knocked by mistakes I keep making in my role, I am terrified every time I get in the car that today's the today I'm going to crash, I am overweight and keep comforting myself with chocolate, my DS is approaching 2 and pushing me away.

While I've sought help before, I'm reluctant to go down the road of medication and counselling to today, wondering if it's quite serious enough for that yet.

Any tips for self managing these emotions?

Have* loving family

Medication and counselling, wondering*

Sorry!

Have counselling. Why wouldn't you?

The thing that always helps me is moving my body, getting my heart rate up for 20.mins, and spending some time outside in daylight. They won't fix everything but definitely makes me feel stronger. I also suffer from anxiety and low self-esteem and have a history of depression.

Exercise, exercise, exercise. The last thing you feel like, but the best remedy. It releases endorphins that lift your mood and help you to think clearly.

As @Whataretheodds says getting outside is so important too. Being under the sky or stars just changes things .

You say your toddler is pushing you away - not unusual for that age. They are starting to explore independence and their own little,personalities start to shine through. Some children just aren't cuddly and he might be one of those (all little kids need some physical,reassurance but some less than others). Doesn't mean he doesn't love you and need you. You're his mum and he will always need and love you

Counselling may well help. See if there is a walking counsellor near you. - it's a wonderful way to combine exercise with therapy and being outdoors. And if you can't get a therapist, walk and talk with a friend - a good hour long session at least 3 times a week (whatever the weather!) . I can guarantee it will change you for the better.

The other thing to think about is about how incredible a woman's body is. How miraculous your body is. You grew a whole new human from scratch. Just stop and think about that . Clever you. Brilliant you. You have superpowers 😬 . Thank your body, tell it how bloody wonderful it is, then cherish it, feed it well and healthily, reward it with stretches, exercise and pampering. Let it take hugs from the people you love.

Seriously, you are awesome 😎

Thank you for the responses!

I think sometimes I use the fact I walk 4 miles a day as a get out of doing anything else. It hasn't helped lately that I've been starting work at 12pm and come to the office drenched in sweat and subsequently very self conscious and anxious. I'm going to aim to move around more once I'm at work.

As for counselling, when I last phoned, the lady on the phone said 'oh yeah you've come to us a few times haven't you?' it is likely my over sensitivity but this really stung. I feel unworthy of help. If I'm managing to get out of bed and just about function, maybe I'm taking the resource away from someone who truly needs it.

Spoken also like a true self deprecator - I'm also not very good at counselling! I am so used to putting on a happy show to everyone, I downplay everything. My moods are all over the place too so often I've found that I have to write things down when I'm feeling low just so I can remember but when I read them aloud I feel unable to identify with the person on the page. It really all does feel like such a mess.

There's nothing wrong with being a regular at therapy - for many Americans it's part of their lifestyle 😂

I maybe that you just haven't found the right therapist - rapport is extremely important.

If you're already doing a lot of walking then maybe you could find another physical activity to switch it up a bit? There might be a club that you could join - 'this girl can' is worth looking at as it's aimed at people who are just starting or just a bit self conscious.

As for counselling, when I last phoned, the lady on the phone said 'oh yeah you've come to us a few times haven't you?' it is likely my over sensitivity but this really stung

If people didn't have more than a couple of counselling sessions she wouldn't have a job and they wouldn't get better.

Noticing when you feel bad and writing so that you can take that into therapy is totally legitimate! Maybe talk to the therapist about the pattern you've noticed where you tend to play things down and not let on how bad you've felt. That's the kind of thing they can help with.

I don't propose self diagnosis by any means, but lifelong depression, anxiety and low self esteem are frequently misdiagnosed autism in females.

Yep or ADHD

I am biased as I am a therapist, but I definitely think it is worth considering. I often have clients come back to me and I certainly would not think they were worth helping. The opposite really, they usually are back because the work they did before was really useful and now they have identified something else they want to address, they want the same result. I often never hear from people again and think it is lovely to find out how people are getting on. Perhaps they just wanted to reassure you that they remember you?

There is also an excellent book, the mindful self compassion workbook, by Kristen Neff, or the self esteem workbook by Glen Schiraldi, or any of the self compassion books by Paul Gilbert. You can take a look on Amazon and download samples to check out the writing style and see if any fit. I would recommend the paperback, not the kindle version as you will probably want to write on them.

There are also some useful podcasts that Kristen Neff has done which are well worth a listen. There is a lovely one with her and Paul Gilbert in conversation.

You certainly can change that inner voice to a compassionate one and you deserve that kindness for yourself.