PND and bonding

[KateandSonny]

Hi, first thread here...

Has anyone experienced trouble bonding whilst having PND? I know I love my baby deep down, 6 weeks old this Saturday, but I am finding it so hard to bond and feel. It physically pains me that I feel this way as I'm desperate for the connection. Luckily things were caught early on and I'm receiving support from perinatal team as well as meds.

Positive stories of recovery would really help right now.

First off, if anyone comes to you and tells you you are not bonding with your child, ignore them and tell them to fuck off. I was, I had a wonderful relationship with dd. The HV came over, told me I wasn't bonding and destroyed our relationship forever. I really do hope she burns in hell.

Hi KateandSonny. I realised only recently that I had PND with my ds1 though at the time I knew secretly that I was struggling with bonding. It was especially hard in those very early days before the baby is smiling and interacting - it kinda doesn't feel like a relationship because you get nothing positive back. My ds1 is now 4 and adorable (much of the time) and of course there's a huge connection. However I still second-guess my relationship with him a lot and am very self-conscious in it, which makes me feel very guilty. I find it hard to unpick what are normal reactions to the infuriatingness of young children, and what might be reactions specific to having had these bonding issues. Those feelings had broadly gone away but I'm finally getting counselling so it's come to the forefront again as I prepare to talk about it. I only have my own experience to go on but I'd say that most of how I feel now is a hangover from keeping it as my dark secret from the start - it's like I've got into a rut of worry and guilt that is self-perpetuating, like I think 'you wouldn't have all these worries if there was nothing wrong' but then the worries themselves are what's wrong. I'm hopeful that counselling will help to unlock this for me - just one session has helped me hugely let go of some other issues I was struggling with, so I'm looking forward to starting to tackle this next week. You are doing the best possible thing by getting help now, and I'm sure you will feel much more connected as time goes on, your baby becomes more interactive and you get more sleep. The important thing is to be as gentle as you can in your judgements of yourself. I expect you are a very conscientious person - I am, and I feel like these worries come from there. And seek out friends that are irreverent about parenting. My quite perfect-mum-seeming friend said that other day, with feeling, that the time after her kid goes to bed is her favourite time of day - hearing that made me feel much better! Anyway, good luck and keep the faith, it really does get much easier.

How are you doing now? Hope you’re feeling a bit better