Feeling disgusting

[Misfitmum1]

I don’t know if this is postnatal (baby is 6 weeks old) but right now I hate myself so much… I’ve said it before and occasionally there’s days where I don’t hate myself as much but today I haven’t even been able to go to my mums for lunch because I feel so disgusting. For some reason my hair keeps reacting to what ever shampoo I put on it, it feels sticky and horrible and I know it may not seem like a big deal… but my hair is the only half decent thing I had going for me.. I’m so unbelievably fat compared to how I used to be and I just caught sight of myself in the mirror and realised I really can’t leave the house looking this way. My partners gone on his own to have Sunday lunch and now I’m just sat here with the baby… absolutely hating my life. I can’t describe how much I hate myself at the moment… I feel vile. My mums said I’m being selfish for feeling this way as others don’t see me like this, but I can’t even look my partner in the eye- I don’t want him to look at me because of how horrible I am. I don’t know why on Earth he’s with me right now

OP, I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling like this. The strength of how badly you're feeling about yourself I think might suggest it's a good idea to have a chat to the GP about how you're feeling, especially given you've just had a baby. Would you be able to do that? Your body has been through a huge amount with pregnancy and birth and it does take a while for everything to bounce back, but you won't feel this way forever, even though it might feel like it now. It doesn't sound like your Mum is being terribly supportive (or your partner) - do you have any other close friends or family that you can confide in? You can always keep posting here too. You're not being selfish at all, these early weeks are so hard

Your dp has left you while he goes out for food and your dm is criticising you? No wonder you feel rubbish!
Speak out op! Your baby is brand new!!
Spell out your expectations and don't be a martyr.

Thank you so much for your fast replies… i don’t really have anyone I can talk to as everyone will judge me for how I actually feel.

I have ptsd and all sorts of issues from a previously abusive relationship and possibly the way I was bought up too. Even health care professionals are out of their depth in trying to help me. I know this makes me difficult to live with at the best of times. I second guess everything.

It was supposed to be a family meal and if I’d gone, I would’ve spoiled the day for everyone.. I truly couldn’t leave the house like this… and my mum had already cooked, so it was better my other half went. I honestly don’t think he should be with me anyway at the moment… he deserves so much better than this.

Im speaking to a mental health nurse tomorrow but I don’t hold out much hope.

I had this OP, it literally just suddenly started happening to me and even my mum commented on what a state my hair looked! Do you live in an area with hard water? That seemed to be my issue. It seemed to just suddenly be a problem and hadn't before - maybe hormonal, perimenopause in my case maybe?

I tried all sorts of shampoos including other purifying ones but the thing that worked for me was the Green People daily aloe shampoo (it's a purifying one). It's expensive but I don't use conditioner with it (and I only wash my hair twice a week even though it can be used daily so it lasts a long time).

Thank you I will give that a go x