Anxiety questions

[Mh1984]

Good morning, I will try to keep this short.

I have 'suffered' with anxiety since about 2018. I now see that I always had it on some level, but it was sporadic and I could take ' me time' until it passed.

Since 2018 it has been a constant. Every minute of every day I am on high alert. If you didn't know me, you would not notice. I take deep breaths often because I've either forgotten to breath or my chest feels like it hasn't got enough oxygen in a while(it has, I don't have any breathing
issues). My brain is a fog, I'm disorganised, unmotivated and then this leads to a sadness that I'm a failure.

All of this is masked well, my partner notices the signs but no one else ever has.

I manage well, I am a teacher and don't struggle at work, and if I do it is not evident. I 'put on a brave face' until I am home.

It isn't logical at all, I am not anxious about anything in particular, and if I am it is all disproportionate to any possible consequences.

I did have a difficult childhood. I was emotionally and sometimes physically 'abused'. I could never voice an opinion or argue my point because things would become physical, up until I was about 18.

I just can't see where this came from. Why now?

Why can I not function and be happy? I honestly NEVER feel relaxed, and although I have coping strategies, these only work in specific situations. Brown noise to try to sleep, breathing exercises if I start to lose control etc. This doesn't help with the day to day chest tightness, brain fog, nausea etc.

I did speak to my GP, and was put on Sertaline but it didn't help. I need to know the cause. Why is this happening to me? Why can I not be happy, I used to be.

Sorry for the ramblings

I got really bad anxiety a few years ago after a bloody locum GP told me he thought I had a brain tumour. The wait (although only a few days) for the hospital appointment and MRI scan was horrific.

No brain tumour, but the fear afterwards, every little thing was a nightmare. I had a sore throat (acid reflux), thought it was cancer. My GP was amazing and said she'd do any test needed to allay any fears I had. I was adamant I wasn't going on medication and she referred me to counselling which was amazingly helpful.

I had about 8 months of feeling like I was unable to swallow, I had attacks like an asthma attack where I felt I couldn't catch my breath. I started swimming and doing yoga, then covid hit so I made sure I replaced the swimming with a different exercise (just walking with my son, going for a run, squats and stuff you can do in the house). Made sure I ate better. I used an app to listen to to help me sleep (i think its called Headspace) and gradually things have got so much better, I'm back to my usual self.

I found trying to avoid the attacks was much better than dealing with them if that makes sense? So having a routine, going to bed at the same time, always read my book downstairs before bed and not in bed and so on really helped.

Good luck OP, anxiety is really awful xx

"I did have a difficult childhood. I was emotionally and sometimes physically 'abused'. I could never voice an opinion or argue my point because things would become physical, up until I was about 18."

This is where it came from. Your anxiety is your subconscious trying to draw attention to something, possibly linked to your childhood.

Have a look at these videos, the first two are about negative core beliefs that develop due in childhood, the third is how anxiety/stress affects the body and the last is about anxiety and how to work with it rather than fighting it;

You're not peri-menopausal or menopausal are you?

Thank you. I will take a look at those videos. It just feels crazy that these feelings are manifesting now, in my early 30s and not throughout my 20s or teens.

I don't think so. I'm 33? How would I know?