Long story, I got severe Pnd/anxiety over a year and a half ago when I stopped breastfeeding I completely crashed.
Went into a severe highly agitated state of anxiety with hyperaeousal (colours to vivid, noises too bright, brain looking for danger) falling asleep at night but only managing a couple of hours before waking with severe fear /panic /adrenaline rushes.
I was put on setraline for 2 months but was so activated and a thousand times more anxious. Then mirtazapine for almost 10 months which made me so much more depressed and anxious with horrific intrusive thoughts and inner restlessness. I also tried various others but just cried so much wjrh heightened anxiety and thoughts of ending it all, so I quit after days.
I have constant derealization and feel completely numb from my emotions. I can't retain memories of what I've just done. Feels like I'm behind glass if that makes sense.
And have this awful brain aggitation.
I cry a lot and feel suicidal. Some days I can't function.
Ive had tons of therapy. None seems to help me get rid of the anxiety. It feels so physical.
My latest psych has said I 'may' have experienced postpartum disphoric bi polar. So a mixed episode. He's not sure but given the way I've been with meds and the way I was at the beginning (he thinks this sounds like it could have been a high).
He's suggested I now try clonazepam for a couple of weeks and see if that dampens down the anxiety/panic/hyperaeousal. If not I could try low dose olanzapine.
Wondering if anyones been in a similar boat and what helped? I'm concerned clonazepam won't help my deep depression and olanzapine will make me become hugely overweight. Which should be least of my worries but mirtazapine weight gain (even whilst watching my diet) was horrific. Need some positive stories and hope.