How do you make peace with stuff?

[siriusblackcat]

I had a breakdown nearly 2 years ago due to horrendous bullying in my job.
I left after a period off sick with anxiety and depression and had counselling which really helped. I'm also still on anti depressants because of it and still have anxiety, though it's manageable most days.

Just seen a job advert for old place stating how staff well being is so important to them, how they have all this wellbeing stuff for their staff, really championing it. It's knocked me sick to be honest. The manager literally broke me and left me suicidal and now they're banging on about how fucking wonderful they are?!
Why was I not worth that? Why was I so unimportant that I didn't deserve care and having my well being taken into account?

I've blocked the page on Facebook now so I won't ever see it again but I'm now crying and shaking and feeling so shit about myself again. It's taken me nearly 2 years to get back to a kind of normal and this has set me back 😢

I know this all sounds pathetic BTW, just needed to let it out.

You realise that lots of people see through their bullshit, lots have been treated the same and lots probably watched what happened this you with fear and were too afraid to say anything.

Five years ago, guys used to get away with saying their exes were crazy and people would believe it- now it’s code for this guy is toxic.

Focus on healing and looking after yourself. You wouldn’t treat anyone that way- it is a long way off but one day you will feel sorry for them- because the way you were treated is how toxic they are and they will be that way with others

Your sentence “why was I not worth that ……”resonated with me. But I know that is due to my upbringing and having a toxic mother and absent father.

I have no resilience when I am treated badly and I turn all my negative feelings inward.

It is hard to recover from something like this. As the other PP has said, most people see this corporate speak for the bullshit it is, and don’t take it seriously.

Welldone for blocking

I’m not surprised you feel as you do. It’s shit when something like this happens. I’m pleased you are now out of that place. I find writing down my feelings can help me. I use the online diary Penzu (if this can be if any interest 😀). I too have been bullied at work and the effect on my mental health was awful, so I understand where you are coming from.

Definitely focus on your healing and well done on the blocking.

Trust me, you are not less deserving than others. It's them who are toxic!

I used to work in a place like that, surrounded by two toxic people who played mind games with everyone else. They too preached about how they cared about employees' comfort and well-being (bollocks). I was so relieved when I left.

You are fine! F* them and focus on yourself!

Don't feel sorry for yourself, reframe this in your mind and see it how it really is. Feel happy for yourself that you had the strength to walk away, and you are away from it all now and healing. Feel sorry for the poor buggers who are still there and no doubt still putting up with the toxic atmosphere/continuing bullying (it won't have stopped since you left, believe me, the perpetrator/s will have just moved on to another victim). The advertisement is pure bullshit marketing, corporate crap that's reeled out in every advert to sell the job and attract people in, especially where there's probably a stink surrounding the place and bad reputation locally.
I got pushed out of a job recently due to me needing flexible working for childcare needs, the company are well known in the industry for being distinctly un family friendly, but all their job adverts extoll their virtues of family friendly culture and ease of flexible working. Yeah right. Another job the dept had a very toxic atmosphere, ruled by 2 bitchy bullys who used social isolation against anyone who's face didn't fit. One of those women was actually the mental health champion for the dept, organised loads of social events that she shouted about to the big bosses, bragging that she was "team building" all the while excluding certain people or groups.
Bullys are great at pretending to be virtuous till you're the one on the receiving end.
Be kind to yourself, you are worth kindness and support and you showed it to yourself by getting the fuck out of dodge. Well done you 👏 💐

Thank you all. I've worked so hard to get over the feelings of worthlessness it left me with, you're all right though and given me the kick to get back on track.