Advice needed on what to do with my life

[Michellepebbles86]

Hi.
Im a mum of 2, 11yo lives at home and 19yo doesn’t. I currently work 24 hours a week around my daughters schooling. No father involved and we rely on my wages and a UC top up to live and pay the bills. I don’t drive and mainly walk into and from the next town everyday for work.

I’ve currently been signed off work till the end of august because of my mental health. I have BPD and have been diagnosed for 10+ years but lately the feelings of worthlessness and depression have been taking over. I’m struggling to even leave the house anymore and making myself worse by forcing myself to walk to a job everyday that I hate. I cry so much when I’m there and sometimes I can’t even hold it in till I get to the bathroom to secret cry. Suicidal feelings have got so bad that I rang my doctor and MH team and it’s all resulted in a huge mental breakdown.

I guess my question I need advice to is where do I go next? Do I stay in a job that’s causing me so much upset every day to continue getting that wage in? It’s literally minimum wage and not a career at all with no way of getting more hours or any kind of pay rise or promotion. Or do I bite the bullet, sort my mental health first and then start applying for more suitable jobs for myself? I guess I’m panicking about the thought of struggling to pay the bills and I’m so torn what is best to do for my home and family. Is anyone else in a similar position??? Is it a struggle only on UC or can I manage? Im so lost with my life and feel such a failure

I can't answer your questions but I would suggest you watch this video on depression - it suggests that the feeling of not being in control of our lives is a major contributor. Would it be feasible to apply for other jobs while still working?

Apply for any other min wage job for now without quitting your current work. I have bpd too and a change is as good as a rest when it comes to suicidal feelings.

There are supposedly min wage job vacancies EVERYWHERE right now. It won't take long, but I also recommend agency work if you're really struggling to find somewhere. Whenever I've done temp office work, I've found a permanent job because of it.

jobs aren't worth feeling suicidal over! You're real life is outside of work, so if this place ain't working just try somewhere new. Doesn't have to go anywhere...or be better. It takes a good three months to work out what's bad about a new work place anyway so that'll give you some time to think.