Help me please

[Dotdotdot19]

I work in a very stressful and challenging environment dealing with teenagers with challenging behaviours. I also have recently had a diagnosis of ASD for my DD who has suddenly regressed behaviourally. Separately I would be able to manage but the two combined have made me reach breaking point.

My DH has suggested that I leave my job and take time to get back on track as he earns enough to support us and that when I am ready I can head back to a different job. My GP has prescribed me Sertraline 50mg which I am taking but the side effects are brutal and I have been in touch with the wellbeing service for counselling. I know my DH is right but I am so scared of being unemployed and particularly with the cost of living crisis looming. I can't help but feel utterly selfish and useless.

I've written a draft resignation letter and I've had to take the day off due to feeling nauseous and being awake all night. Please reassure me that I am doing the right thing and not making a massive mistake.

Don’t do anything in a rush, especially while you are dealing with effects of new medication . Do you have to get your resignation in by a certain date due to it being a school or similar?

Don't resign yet - you need some "thinking time".

Sign yourself off sick for a week then follow up with a GP appointment to extend your sickness period.

You need time to focus on yourself and think about what you really want to do. Resigning now sounds like a knee jerk reaction which, once done, probably can't be undone.

Just step away from work for a while and assess after a period of time.

Sorry to hear this - yes, getting signed off for a bit longer sounds a good idea. Can you do a bit of a self-care audit, and if you are not already plugged into a network, finding some parents facing similar challenges, as peer conversations can be really helpful for coping strategies.

Is there any facility at your work to take a carers break/an unpaid leave of absence, so that you don't have to jump out permanently?

How about getting signed off work until the meds have hopefully kicked in and the side effects have gone (I remember how I was with this med and you really have my sympathies). I hope it resolves quickly.

That sounds really tough OP.

Rather than resign, would it be possible to take a period of unpaid leave? I took three months off work at the beginning of the year to support DD though a mental health crisis. It was absolutely the right thing to do - with absolute focus from me she made great progress and was able to get back into school - I returned to work shortly after.

My boss is great and much of a family-comes-first mindset. Would something similar be possible for you?

I think the reasoning behind me leaving rather then signing off was due to the nature of the hours, challenges and general issues that occur regularly at work which is leaving me unable to deal with my DD and her needs due to being mentally and emotionally depleted.

I will speak to him about signing off but thank you all for your input.

As you are suffering at least in part from work-related stress then please do talk to them first. Do they have access to counselling for employees? They have a duty of care to you as an employee. Perhaps post on the employment board for more advice on what your work should do to help you before resigning.

Your husband may be trying to look out for you, but the result will
be that your career is on hold, while his remains unaffected.

The feeling “selfish and useless” is the anxiety/depression talking. No one selfish and useless would be doing your job for starters.

Not trying to DH bash, but how much responsibility does he take for DD’s increased needs? I can imagine that giving up your job might lead to you taking on almost all care of your DD, with little time or energy to focus on your own health and getting back on track.

Reduced hours or a different role may allow you to keep your hand in, if possible.

I think it's a good idea and lovely that your husband is so supportive and able to provide so you can have what sounds like a well needed break

How long have you been on the sertraline for? It can take a good few weeks for side effects to calm down. I've been on 50mg for 18 months now and it's honestly completely transformed my life, so I would absolutely keep going with them if you can - and don't make any big decisions until you're more settled.

So I followed your advice and have been signed off by my GP. I am still feeling terrible and have lost 7lbs in a week.

However when I think about returning to work, I start panicking. So I think that my DH is right and I need to find a less stressful working environment. But thank you all so much for your advice.

I think that's a really good step, OP.

It does sound like your work environment isn't working for you. Remember, taking some time out doesn't mean that you can't make the decision to resign anyway! You've just bought yourself some breathing space so you can hopefully think things through a bit, and for the worst of the side effects of the setraline to be over.

How long have you been signed off for? Could you make a pact to yourself that you are not going to think about work AT ALL for, say, one week? And focus solely on taking care of your physical health. Really simple daily goals - some nourishing food, some exercise or time in nature, an activity you enjoy. If you find yourself thinking beyond the week then stop and refocus on the present. Is that something that could work for you do you think?

I think I don't fully know what to do. But my heart and head are telling me to resign and not work my notice period due to being signed off.

Then have a few months to recalibrate before looking for other work. That's the solution my DH has suggested.