Hi everyone,
I don't really know what to write other than I just feel really useless and rubbish. Two months ago I went from not working to working 40 hour weeks and I'm loving it, except for the fact that I constantly feel rubbish and feel the need to get reassurance from my coworkers that I'm doing OK and then getting anxious because I know I'm annoying them.
I'm also struggling because my dh is struggling with the change and he is a SAHD and is finding it too much. He's often moody and miserable by the time I come home and it makes me feel so guilty for working. I've told him to look for jobs but because he can't drive and due to my 12 hour shift patterns, he's quite limited on what he can do.
I just feel so crap and low about everything. I absolutely hated myself, I always have. I've been on a referral list for trauma therapy for a long time now and I'm still waiting. I'm on medication.
For the type of job I'm doing, I need to be giving it my all but it took all of me not to just sit in the bathroom and cry at work today because I just feel so crap.
I don't know, I feel so lonely and weird and out of place everywhere I go. I never believe anyone likes me even if they tell me they do. I always assume they're talking about me and I shouldn't care even if they are but it's so hard to not give a damn.