Depressed and feel hopeless

[GailForce4356]

Since my son was born nearly 2 years ago I've been really down and suffering from what I think is PND.

I've piled on weight, I hate my job, my marriage is a joke and I have no patience for my son at times.

I've become withdrawn and totally addicted to my phone. I barely speak to my son when we are home alone and I know it's awful to admit. He's quite demanding and has tantrums and I don't have the mental capacity to deal with it so I put the tv on for him. We do go out every single day and he attends classes and play dates but at home I can't engage.

I have no siblings and my mum and dad are in their late 60s. I just have this awful feeling that if anything was to happen to them I'd be completely broken and feel so alone. They help me out so much with my son and are my go to to get away when my son is too much. We can always go and visit them and it helps make my day go quicker.

I've been to see my GP wHo referred me for CBT. I've had one session so far but I found it pointless. The main stresses/worries in my life are my marriage and the lack of help I get and my sons behaviour, both of which the nurse said they can't help with.

I'm just in such a rut and don't know where to even begin to get out of it. I feel so hopeless.

Hi Op I had PND and struggled with the toddler years also. What i do know is that this stage will pass- they will get bigger and more independant, and things will get easier

@Orangesandlemons77 I'm just worried I'm doing my son lasting damage because of my mood :(

I feel like I don't want to be here at times

Go back to GP and ask for anti depressants. They will help you through a difficult time.

Hi OP. I’ve also struggled with PND and my son is almost 2. I too struggle with toddlerhood and the general unpredictability of a toddler, are they going to be happy today or will it be filled with tantrums? I’ve had CBT before for something else and I do think it helps but you have to stick with it.. I hope you feel better soon, you are not alone 💐

Try not to worry, I felt the same and my DS is now 13 and fine, I enjoy spending time with him now!

When mine was 2 they offered 15 hrs nursery this helped me a little, maybe they still do this? having a break can really help.

@Leggingslife I was trying everything not to go on medication. Close family member had mental health issues and my mum had to help for years. I don't want her to worry about me too and think I'm going down the same path :(

@lrosey I have 7 sessions left so I'll try and se it through. I just feel I'm beyond help and talking but I don't know what I do need.

@Orangesandlemons77 it get easier as he gets older.

When he was newborn I was in my darkest days so I know the older he gets and the more he can communicate it will hopefully get easier.

I just feel like I'm wishing his life away.

He will attend nursery next year as we can't afford to send him just now.

I totally understand how you feel and can relate. I’m not the happy, patient Mum I thought I would be and it is a tough pill to swallow sometimes. Definitely try to stick to the CBT, it’s better to do something than nothing. Did your GP offer you meds? I totally appreciate you might not want to go down this route but I can say from experience they are really helpful, especially for low mood.

This is the real issue I think. I was the same for years with worrying my mum and now feel just feel sad that I couldn't be kind to myself and access help that I needed. There would have been a lot less to worry mum if I'd just sought help sooner.

If you needed antibiotics, you would take them. If you fractured an ankle you'd have painkillers - it wouldn't make any difference if someone you knew had fractured their ankle in the past, except that you might think about how these things run in families.

As someone in recovery from severe PND and who struggled to bond with her baby, the right help can be transformative. Good luck!

@lrosey yes she said she would prescribe if needed but was keen for me to try CBT first. I also told her I wasn't keen on medication.

You know, it's private and you don't have to share your medical needs / care with anyone else. Kind thoughts and hope things get better in time

@JennyForeigner you are 100% right.

I just want out of this rut I'm in. I want to be the mum I thought I would be.

Totally understand that. I hope the CBT helps in some way but things will get better and don’t be afraid to take the help offered, the thought of meds can be daunting but for me they were life changing. I really hope you feel a bit brighter soon.

This is a good first step. I really feel for you - there is nothing so much at the heart of us as how we feel as parents and it is easy to judge yourself harshly. Something that helped me was that I knew I put on a good front when we were out - so we spent as much time out as possible. The community garden was a lifesaver, and it doesn't matter if you are then in quiet mode at home.

It will change as your son becomes what I think of as the sort of whole person of later toddlerhood. It's the weight of total responsibility with babies that is so hard, but very often their needs and expectations are so different from how you judge yourself. As you see that change take place you'll be able to relax about your parents too.

At just turned three the baby I could barely bring myself to touch (unless I was pretending in front of someone else) is a happy absolutely thriving little boy who has no doubts about the strength of his foundations That's the track you're on too, it can just be so hard to believe it until they can tell you.

@GailForce4356 ask your surgery to refer you to their Social Prescribing Link Worker - everyone has access to this Primary Care service.

Social Prescribing is all about helping with things that are affecting your health & wellbeing but aren’t necessarily medical issues.

You’ve already identified what your main problems are and an SPLW will work with you to come up with a plan to address these issues and put you in touch with services that can help.

It was incredibly unhelpful of the nurse to simply say these are things they can’t help you with - she should have immediately thought of this option.

(I’m an SPLW)

You can’t judge the CBT on one session. You have to commit to it & see it through. I’m sure it will help you.

I am in a similar situation, actually I came onhere to write a post and it’s almost identical to yours! I too am addicted to being in my phone, but I’m realising it’s adding to my depression, I also just feel run down and stuck, I try to get out most days but it’s getting harder now to even get the energy to get myself & my toddler ready out the door. My marriage isn’t too bad & I have a supporting husband but he works a lot & our sex life is almost non existent so that doesn’t help with my self esteem and weight issues at the moment. Money worries are getting to me now too, if you’d like to inbox me feel free!

@Spooked102 no sex over here either. I do feel sorry for my husband. He tires to be supportive but I think even he's at the point he doesn't know where to go now either.

Yes money is a struggle here too since I went part time.

It's a horrible horrible position.