Feeling so deflated by this GP encounter (ADHD)

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I have suspected for about a year and a half that I may have ADHD; in the last 6 months in particular I've become certain that I identify with many of the key traits. I have a history of anxiety and depression, and the more I read about late diagnoses of women in their 30s with this disorder, the more I'm convinced it's me.

I managed to get up the courage to book and attend a GP appointment to discuss it (I have booked 2 prior appointments and cancelled at the last minute), I just came back from my appointment. I ran through my symptoms which I'd written down so I'd remain clear, filled out the ADHD self-referral scale (which scored me as consistent with ADHD) and asked for a referral. My GP said "but what would you expect to get out of a referral?". I said - a diagnosis? Help? Medication? She huffed and puffed and said there wasn't much point in referring "because services are so stretched, you probably won't get anywhere, if at all". I said fine, how about if I speak to someone privately, can she recommend me or refer me to anyone? "I don't know anyone - you'd be better off Googling". I pushed her and she agreed to refer me anyway, as I'd rather be in the system, and I'm about to go on Mat leave and can't really afford a private diagnosis (though if I have to, will make it work).

Am I unreasonable to feel utterly deflated coming away from this appointment with a GP asking for help with my mental health with nothing but a recommendation to Google? I'm a pretty strong and resilient person but I came home and cried at how unimportant I was made to feel, it was awful.

If anyone does have any better recommendations of the steps I can proactively take towards diagnosis (rather than just 'Google it') that'd be most appreciated.

I had the same thing, pushed and got a referral after GP sent off all the screening questionnaires etc which indicated I had ADHD. Now the ADHD service have sent me a 15 page (!!) form asking me basically if I am restless over and over but in different phrased questions, another medical form and then another form for someone who has known me as a child to fill in, which again basically asks if I had trouble sitting still. I think I have inattentive ADHD and am very good at masking... so my parents looked at the form and said they couldn't fill it in. The medical form I've done but the 15 page one for me to fill in just feels impossible to be honest. I get easily distracted and find things like that really difficult unless I'm hyper focused on them... that's why I'm looking for an assessment so why are you sending me something like this

I was diagnosed in 2006 at The Maudsley (Kings College MH dept) I was one of the very first adults to be diagnosed. I have ADD. I KNEW that something was not as others live...

I was very bright (but 'failed' the 11+ on a headmistresses report despite scoring higher than ALL my peers ?1975 with a non-pushy parent) due to my 'unsuitable behaviour for a grammar school environment' !!

I went to a secondary modern where the highest aspirations were to churn out short hand typists .. my mother grew a backbone and I was amongst the only THREE of a 1k 'allowed' to take O'Levels.. changed schools .. dropped out.. (typical ADD) and ended up being a nanny..

Studied Albs at night school . Got 3 A's ... went to the LSE but dropped out again.. Lonf story short I went into the civil service (10 years and a lot of travelling later)...

My ADD diagnosis has been FANTASTIC.. Civil Service seem to give 'differently able a lot of cudos..
and I have flown with 'reasonable adjustment to be a SC1.. (80k)

I am due to retire and 2 years ago eventually began my degree again in History.. (for me just because I know I can do it) The OU have provided SO MUCH SUPPORT.. because I have THAT price of paper that confirms me diagnosis.

Btw I tried meds but couldn't get on with them. I have embraced being me..

DO IT , OP.. it's worth it !

@Maxmayfield well imagine the GPs would have the capacity to consider patients symptoms without them having to push, instead of having to brush people off constantly and leaving them with social media or Google as only support or knowledge source.

(I have booked 2 prior appointments and cancelled at the last minute)

This is a massive problem and contributes to waiting lists.

You may find your symptoms harder to manage after having a child.

This is interesting as I have absolutely found it more challenging since having my little one.

@Lindasllama that’s great to hear. My adult son has just been diagnosed and I recognise traits in myself . I have the ability and I know I could have risen the career ladder with support . I did manage a part time degree but really struggled with organising the work , young children and my job . I often wonder how people have such beautifully organised home lives . We get there but life is always a bit haphazard!

I also wonder if age is a factor? I'm late 30s with no kids but have found it increasingly more difficult to manage and stay on top of things

I'm sorry you had such a difficult time getting a referral. Without hearing your GP's tone, I can't be sure if her question about what you would expect from a referral was a simple query, or whether she was being dismissive. Apart from support and possible medication, I think it's important for people to have an explanation as to why they struggle (often severely) to manage their lives. Psychologically, it would lift the burden of feeling like a failure in some areas of living which other people seem to cope with.

I'm in the same boat as you, in that I strongly suspect I have ADHD. I'm in my fifties though and only made the connection when my son was being assessed, mostly for the inattentive type. He was eventually assessed as not having it and is now awaiting assessment for ASD. It's glaringly obvious to me that I meet the criteria, but who on earth is going to provide information about me as a child at this stage in my life? My mum has Alzheimer's and my dad died years ago. If that kind of supportive material is required, there is simply no point in bothering.

I really do hope you get somewhere with this OP

Hi,

That GP sounds awful. I was quoted the 12-18 months wait time- but actually my referall came through in 6 months and I was diagnosed a few months ago. - so perhaps areas are catching up/ employing more pyschiatrists.

Around 3 months in I went through Pyschiatry UK the right to choose opiton- but then my original refferal came through quicker. I can't promise the same for you. It might still be a long wait but totally worth it. I have started medication it's not quite the 'life changing' amazing thing I imagined but it definitely has helped with a number of symptoms in more subtle way especially focus. I have mixed type I think the hyper side is less affected by meds but that's just me. Also you can get access to therapy etc. Even without that, it also it helps you understand yourself better so you can develop better coping mechanisms/ strategies

Some people also choose to disclose at work because it can come under 'reasonable adjusments' etc.

Put the referral in and then if it still feels slow look into right to choose. Totally worth it.

I was diagnosed in my mid twenties - best thing that ever happened to me. Nothing ‘changed’ but I also could put a name to why my life has been difficult.

Go back. Request a referral and don’t be deterrer. It is about a two year waiting list but it’s worth it I promise. My GP positively ridiculed me - I think his exact words were you don’t look autistic but bing bang bong here we are and I’m riddled with it.

Women are chronically ignored when it comes to their health. Advocate for yourself like you would your daughter - you deserve it.