Is it too late to get help for Assault 20+ years ago? (Triggering)

[suziesue45]

I was assaulted by someone a long time ago. I didnt report it as I was too scared and I didnt seek help at the time either as I blamed myself. Instead I abused alcohol, withdrew from friends and family and basically sabotaged my own life at that time.

Now I have a good job, own home and a good relationship but I'm really struggling with certain triggers. I've never spoke about what happened to my partner until recently when he realised something just wasnt right and I ended up blurting everything out. He was very supportive and also very shocked that I've kept this to myself for so long and tried to deal with it on my own. I am a private person and struggle to open up and talk about this but things just seem to be getting worse and not better. Its on my mind more, I'm having nightmares about it, theres certain places I cant go etc.

I'm just wondering if its too late for me to get any sort of mental health support with this and where do I even go? I cant go to my own GP due to one of my close friends working there, I live in a small village where everyone knows everyone.

Any advice would be appreciated

Anyone?

It's NEVER too late for you to seek help. Well done on reaching a point where you feel you can ask, and I'm so sorry this happened to you.

Your first point of call would likely be your GP - they are bound by confidentiality so it's not like it will be spread about the surgery though I don't know what capacity your friend works in at the surgery.

Do you or your partner's work have a kind of employee assistance programme? Or healthcare? You might be able to go that route, I recently got 6 weeks worth of phone counselling using my work's programme.

Sorry I can't be of more help re accessing help but wanted to say it's never too late and best of luck to you on your healing journey

I go to a private therapist in a different county to avoid seeing anyone I know as my mum works in health care. Same deal, I was abused 20 years ago as a child and never told anyone.

It does help but its a slow process as I struggle to trust and tend to just shut down if pushed too hard but do need to be pushed a little or I don't open up. That said, I've made a lot of progress these last few months.

Definitely not too late to seek help. Something similar happened to me and therapy through work healthcare scheme helped. I saw gp and got diagnosed with depression without ever telling them what happened and they then referred me. Told my therapist but no other healthcare professional knows. Hope you manage to get the support you need. I found it a hard and painful process but feeling better than I did now.

@bogoblin Thank you for your advice. My friend is the receptionist the GP so she knows everything that goes on unfortunately. We do have a counselling service at work but I have to be referred by my manager. My partner has his own business so has no support unfortunately.

@Notanotherwindow Oh its a shame you have to do that but it sounds like you're making good progress. I tend to shut down too and this is why I've never spoken about it, its still really raw even after all this time. I'm not sure exactly what has triggered me to tell my partner now either.

@imasurvivor2 So you didnt have to tell the GP why you were feeling the way you were? Thats really good. I might see if I can have a word with my GP and just discuss my feelings and not where they came from.

Thank you all for your kind advice and I'm so sorry we've all been through this :(

To be honest, I prefer it. It allows a clear divide between my life and my therapy. The hours drive there is my time to think and prepare myself emotionally for the vulnerability of the session and the hour back is my processing time to let whatever we've talked about sink in.

By the time I'm back in my home town and had my routine drive through McDonald's at the interchange I've normally brightened up and compartmentalised the necessary, ready for work.

Lots of private therapists offer therapy over video call, which is what I opted for. It meant I got to be in a safe place, where I was comfortable, so I found it easier to open up.

@Notanotherwindow that sounds really positive, time to think about yourself and also a treat at the end of it too :)

@MangoBiscuit I think video call seems to be the way forward. I will certainly look into that, thank you.

When a trauma happens sometimes a part of the subconscious gets stuck with trying to work out what happened, in order to prevent it happening again - rather like a hamster on a wheel, endlessly circling round in your brain with all the 'what if's' and 'why's'. If there's no logical reason to be found, or the people involved who could provide answers are no longer in your life, then that part of your mind just keeps plugging away forever. I've worked with people in this situation and, by connecting with that part of the subconscious and letting it know it can stop now, we've put to bed decades old traumas.