Mental health and paranoid over neighbours

[Lagertha6]

Hi hoping someone can make me feel better.

I've got mental health probs and my behaviour has gone really erratic. I argue with my partner quite alot and I end up shouting at him all of the time. 70% of the time he doesn't shout back at me.

I am struggling with suicidal feelings and I just feel this mountain of rage and anger so I explode at my boyfriend over the slightest thing.

I am ashamed of myself, things I've said to him, how I have acted. We are ok but he doesn't deserve my outbursts, although I do try my hardest to stay well. I'm close to giving up as I am making him unhappy and those around me.

I'm under the mental health team to a degree and waiting for more counselling. On two lots of antidepressants for approx 10 years.w

I've just had another outburst and my neighbours are home as I can hear their baby. I now don't want to go out because I feel ashamed of showing my face in the street. I dread to think that they must think about me. All windows are open and I'm quite loud speaking anyway as I am slightly deaf.

Do you have a safe haven/crisis team you can contact? Or your GP?

Yes I do but not very good. I'm being illogical worrying about my neighbours

I didn't see it as her using it as an excuse. Mental health makes you act out of character and that includes not being very nice to live with. She is getting helping from what she says, you piling on won't help.

Op, I'm neurodivergent (recently diagnosed) which had a knock on to my mental health and get it. When I get overwhelmed I can be really shouty and horrid. I hate it and I'm ashamed. I don't talk to our neighbours now as I worry that they have heard me at my worst. I'm pretty stable now thanks to good meds and it stops me reacting unreasonably. Can I suggest reviewing your meds with your GP as it doesn't sound like they are working.

Why aren't you seeking professional help?

being on antidepressants for 10+ years is not 'sorting it out'.

It's add to my previous post, before seeing your GP perhaps do your own research. To get the right meds for me I researched in advance, went in and told the GP what I thought right for me and why. They were happy to try and it worked. Maybe do similar.

And people ask why many of us object to threads on every subject being posted in AIBU.

You should refocus and worry about your boyfriend. No-one deserves to be abused like that. Having a personality disorder does not permit you to treat him badly. Get more help.

I'd go back to the GP. I'm no expert, but there must be something you can do to manage the outbursts. One suggestion is to go for a walk or do something else when you feel you're heading toward another outburst. Remove yourself, distract yourself. But go back to the GP.

Don't worry about your neighbours right now (secondary concern), focus on how you can change things so you don't need to worry about them hearing you again.

Probably get this moved from AIBU, OP! I know people post here for traffic, but it's not the best place for mental health related threads.

I agree. They're not the ones you're abusing.

You need to worry about your DP. Do they have any support?

It’s not about ‘AIBU’ , imagine if a man was shouting at his partner and exploding with a ‘mountain of rage and anger’ and his only concern is what the neighbours might think!

It doesn’t sound like you are being illogical or paranoid. You shouted and in all likelihood they heard… I’d be a bit embarrassed and ashamed too. That’s very normal not a MH issue.

Why are you worried about what the neighbours think? I'm going to be honest (in the kindest way) and say they probably hear you and they probably think you're being abusive and aggressive. They probably hate hearing it and makea them feel awkward in their own home. But what does that mean to you? The worst case they'll call the police or SS (do you have kids?) or they'll avoid you and not invite you over for a BBQ. 🤔

But really OP, you have bigger things to worry about.... like what your partner thinks/feels, your MH, coping strategies and lots more.

You need to back to your GP or psychiatrist (if you have one) and explain that your moods are erratic and that you have angry outbursts. Perhaps you need a mood stabiliser or other medication.

Please speak to your GP at the least.

I do feel for your partner and I don’t think you can excuse this abusive behaviour towards him because of mental health as a man certainly wouldn’t be allowed to. I’d focus on him more than the neighbours tho if you were my neighbour and it had gone on so long I’d likely do a welfare call to the police. I think you need to urgently speak to the gp and maybe consider in hospital treatment for your suicidal thoughts and general well being