Normal new mum anxiety or?

[Catchingrainbows]

I’m a FTM and have a beautiful 4 month old baby girl.

Every day I wake up with my stomach in knots, feeling so so anxious about the day ahead. I feel like almost every day is the same and I cannot imagine my days/life and differnet than this.

I had a pretty traumatic birth, forceps delivery, was induced and i has covid and my recovery was awful as i was so anemic and it took a couple of months to feel “ok”

Even though I couldn’t physically have done more, i look back at that time and I’m so upset i never got to enjoy it like I should have.

A big thing that addss to my anxiety is that we believe our daughter has a bottle aversion created from being on the wrong formula before she was put on prescription formula (CMPA) and also we were pressuring her to feed. We’ve been following the Rowena Bennett strategy and have seen improvements.

She now drinks anything from 2oz - 4.5oz on each feed , she has around 16-20oz in a 24 hr period and it’s on the low side, its panics me, i write all her feeds down and I obsess with how much shes had and how many bottles leff we have in the day.

Her feeding situation is one that really gets me down and anxious.

I just don’t feel cut out to be a mum
sometimes, i wish i was stronger, i wish I could be better .

Hand hold 🤚🏼

How you're feeling sounds normal yes - no wonder you feel like this after all you've been through and also the lack of sleep etc - but at the same time it's not about what's normal it's about how much it's impacting you.

Have you talked about how you're feeling with anyone? Health visitor? Friend? GP? Local baby group?

You sound like a great mum who is has had a really tough time.

Try not to dwell on what you feel you missed out on. Look forward to all the things you and your baby have ahead of you.

I am not sure recording the feeds is helpful, unless you have been advised to by someone in health care. Is your baby growing and putting on weight?

Try to be kind to yourself, you are still physically recovering and mentally adjusting to being a mum.

With very different worries to your own, I started feeling negative around when my baby turned 4 months. The feelings you describe - the stomach in knots upon waking, describes exactly how I've been feeling. He's 6 months so this has been going on for 2 months, but progressively worse the last week or so. I've just been diagnosed with PND (a couple of days ago) after i finally admitted i needed help, so may be something to look out for. Not saying it sounds like you have it yet. It is a very anxious time and so normal to have the feelings of 'am I good enough'. I cry all the time thinking I'm letting my boy down, for no good reason. Having a baby is a shock to the system.. it would be strange if we didn't have these feelings!

Thank you all.

I had a big cry yesterday to my husband and he urged me to book an appointment with a therapist I used to speak to a couple of years ago which really helped me. So I have booked that appointment. I just feel like I can’t keep feeling like this. X

I think 4 months is a classic time for PND to really kick in and your level of anxiety sounds abnormal to me. A first baby is very hard, even more so if you have a difficult pregnancy or birth followed by a poor sleeper or feeder. With my first I had a very traumatic pregnancy (in hosp a lot) followed by a baby who never slept and I became very unwell. I didn't enjoy his first year at all but honestly you don't have to enjoy a small baby, lots of women don't, you just have to survive it reasonably intact so you can enjoy the rest of their lives! Definitely try to prioritise your own well being. Are you getting any breaks to exercise / relax / see a friend / feel like the person you were before?

Try not to record the feeds and count the ounces. Just feed in demand. Is your baby putting weigh on and following the centile line?

Why do you think she has bottle aversion?