I went on vacation and fell in love, so much that me and him decided we wanted to become parents together. We were in love but had a very toxic relationship but despite this we kept trying to get pregnant was we both wanted a child.
My vacation ended I came back home and found out I was pregnant. I told my partner via phone and we were both so happy told everyone we knew and he told his family .I was taking prenatals, going to doctors appintments and was overall very excited to be a mom. However our fights got so bad he was threatening to leave me, told me to get an abortion bc he didnt want to be with me (which he later took back), offered me no financial support, told me I was going to be a single mom I got scared and had an abortion (which I regret so much). It was all too much for me to deal with while carrying his child. I had an abortion without him knowing because I was not ready for the emotional distress he would cause me. He is heavily against abortion, to the point of wishing it outlawed. I was scared to tell him but I was also not ready to continue fighting with him through out my pregnancy. He was heartbroken over the "miscarriage" but we worked through it.
Our relationship has gotten better but I am now living with this guilt and regret of 1)having and abortion and 2) lying about a miscarriage to my partner. Today is a month since I had the procedure and I have gone through a server depression to the point of loosing my job and being in bed most days. I feel a piece of me is missing. I want nothing more than to tell my partner the truth and have my baby back. I am grieving but I am also dealing with a great amount of guilt. I have tried counselling but nothing is working, I started antidpressant and they just make me apathetic to the whole situation which adds on to the guilt. I dont know what to do.