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I had an abortion and lied

6 replies

babymama777 · 27/07/2022 19:26

I went on vacation and fell in love, so much that me and him decided we wanted to become parents together. We were in love but had a very toxic relationship but despite this we kept trying to get pregnant was we both wanted a child.

My vacation ended I came back home and found out I was pregnant. I told my partner via phone and we were both so happy told everyone we knew and he told his family .I was taking prenatals, going to doctors appintments and was overall very excited to be a mom. However our fights got so bad he was threatening to leave me, told me to get an abortion bc he didnt want to be with me (which he later took back), offered me no financial support, told me I was going to be a single mom I got scared and had an abortion (which I regret so much). It was all too much for me to deal with while carrying his child. I had an abortion without him knowing because I was not ready for the emotional distress he would cause me. He is heavily against abortion, to the point of wishing it outlawed. I was scared to tell him but I was also not ready to continue fighting with him through out my pregnancy. He was heartbroken over the "miscarriage" but we worked through it.

Our relationship has gotten better but I am now living with this guilt and regret of 1)having and abortion and 2) lying about a miscarriage to my partner. Today is a month since I had the procedure and I have gone through a server depression to the point of loosing my job and being in bed most days. I feel a piece of me is missing. I want nothing more than to tell my partner the truth and have my baby back. I am grieving but I am also dealing with a great amount of guilt. I have tried counselling but nothing is working, I started antidpressant and they just make me apathetic to the whole situation which adds on to the guilt. I dont know what to do.

OP posts:
MolkosTeenageAngst · 27/07/2022 21:03

You say the relationship is toxic and by the sounds of it do is he. You say he told you to get an abortion but also that he has such strong views against it he wants it outlawed. So why did he tell you that? It doesn’t matter if he took it back, he said it do if he didn’t mean it I can only assume he was trying to mess with your head and using the pregnancy and abortion as some kind of weapon.

I think you did the right thing. it is very normal for abuse and control to become worse during pregnancy and it would have been awful to bring a baby into the mess of a relationship. I don’t think you deserve to feel guilty, it really doesn’t sound like the relationship is healthy enough to have a baby added to it and he wasn’t being at all supportive so it’s no surprise you made the decision you needed to make at the time. Of voters now he’s being nice it’s easy to imagine it would have worked out and wish the baby back because you’re fantasising about a happy ever after, but I can almost guarantee if you were pregnant again that toxic abusive side to him would show right back up.

The positive is there is now nothing to tie you to him and so the next step is to leave him, he showed his true side and things won’t stay good for long. Move on and in the future you can find somebody else deserving of your relationship and who will make a good father and partner to your future children instead of staying with a man who threatens to abandon his pregnant partner with no financial support.

CaptainMyCaptain · 27/07/2022 21:07

He sounds awful you would be better off having nothing to do with him.

ItsHitTheFanNow · 27/07/2022 23:11

How long was the holiday?!

Maybeebebe · 27/07/2022 23:13

In a few years you will look back and realise you had a lucky escape

You don't need to be in a relationship with him, he's shown you who he is, leave him now

Cocopogo · 27/07/2022 23:15

I think it’s the relationship giving you depression not the abortion.

Snowshower · 28/07/2022 17:38

I agree with the other posters. He is no good for you and you need to move on.

You made an incredibly difficult decision and it has caused you so much distress, I really feel for you and see you are hurting terribly, but it was absolutely the right choice.

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