Utterly bored, fed up, everything seems pointless, always yearning/striving for the next thing

[CheshireSplat]

Really struggling with the point of life at the moment.

I always feel like I should be doing more, changing the world into a better place. But I have enough self-awareness to know that whatever I do, I will never be satisfied because there will always be more to do. To take a silly example, even if I was US president I still wouldn't be able to fix the world's problems and I'd still be yearning to do more. So back to me and my little life.

I have 2 lovely daughters, a lovely husband, lovely friends, nice-ish house (though it's a bit of a tip) in a lovely area. We have an incredible 4 week trip abroad coming up. We are comfortably off, enjoyable jobs.

But I'm just so so flat.

We are a typically busy family. DH currently working full time as a colleague is on long term sick.

Everything seems pointless. I just can't seem to enjoy myself. I can't make myself happy through just doing things that I enjoy (of which there are loads). I'm addicted to my phone constantly checking the news for updates - I love current affairs and politics. Even when I do things which truly bring me joy I beat myself and feel guilty that I am not doing more.

I've done so much self reflection and reading over the last year. I'm very self aware. DH did say to me recently that at some stage I am going to have to stop thinking about how to live my life and actually start living it.

I had a full on international corporate job which I've jacked in for a not for profit job which has a really wonderful purpose. I think I had thought this new role would solve all my problems but it turns out it hasn't, although I know it's early days (3 months) and it's WFH which isn't great for me.

Does anyone have any wise words for me? I know what I should be doing: get fresh air before work, set restrictions on my phone, get exercise, really immerse myself in doing enjoyable things with the DDs, have date nights with DH, laugh with my friends, immerse myself in a fantastic film, eat mindfully etc etc.... I say that I should just cut myself some slack and enjoy a bit of relative downtime, enjoy time with the DDs, that not every year has to be about pushing myself as far as I can go.

Oh and I've had a minor op on my arm which means that I can't exercise for a couple of weeks and can't have a bath, which is ny ultimate go to comfort time. This is for a biopsy with a very very low risk of cancer so that might be playing on my mind but I really don't think it is as the drs are relaxed (and I've always said to DH that what I need is a cancer scare or something to make me appreciate my life).

I really need to snap myself out of the illusion that what I do will make one blind bit of difference to mankind or the planet! I seem to have a delusion of grandeur. I think having a comfortably, NW European life in the 21st century just doesn't suit me. Too much time to ponder. I think i would be happier if I was concentrating my efforts on survival.

Help, please, good vipers of mumsnet.

I mean . . . your life sounds amazing, @CheshireSplat, I'm quite envious!

Which I guess is your point - on paper it's perfect, but you're unhappy. You mentioned your new job hasn't panned out how you thought - how so? In terms of making a real difference and feeling like you're doing some good?

If that's the case, how about doing some charity work in your spare time - find a cause that means a lot to you, and get stuck in. And it doesn't have to be big changing-the-world stuff; start small. Change one person's world for the better.

DH did say to me recently that at some stage I am going to have to stop thinking about how to live my life and actually start living it.

I can relate! I'm exactly like you - a perfectionist who's never keen to waste time or energy on "the wrong thing" so I often end up doing nothing. I sit around and think way too much.

I had a cancer scare and it didn't help! 😆

What might have helped is - my amazing dad died last week. He was a doer. He got so much done in his 80 years. I think until I'm anxious - he just did stuff.

I'm hoping to live the rest of my life by the mantra, "What would Dad do?"

I like the suggestions above. And I hope you feel better soon.

What really struck me was: what do you create? What do you make that’s just for you? Not self-improvement but learning, making mistakes… do you paint strange abstract landscapes that leave flecks of bright colour all over your walls? Write stories your husband would be appalled to read? Bake unreasonable blancmages? What do you do that is messy and ridiculous and fun? What did you like doing when you were a child?

Please don’t wish for cancer scares and survival situations… life has a way of biting into even the most comfortably boring existence and you may look back and wish rather desperately for those days.

I think you would benefit from some therapy. It sounds like you set your self goals no-one could achieve. Then you are punishing yourself with criticism.

You sound afraid to enjoy life, maybe because you feel you don't deserve to?

And believe me, you don't want to have to 'survive'. We have been surviving financially for years and it will be wonderful when it changes next month and we can just live and enjoy our lives!

A bit off topic, but could you be peri menopausal?
I was much like you with never really feeling happy but with a kind of low-grade cba attitude and lack of energy. I did have other peri-meno symptoms which prompted me to see the GP, but, going on oestrogen was an absolute game changer in terms of my internal sense of well being, having energy to get on and do things and just a more positive outlook.

If you are not a creative type, or looking to volunteer, would taking up a sport be your thing? I know that I need to be in a competitve, club environment, so there is a reason to be stronger, faster or more skillful, and people around that you can measure yourself against, (as well as be friends with!) rather than just doing something for fun or with a vague goal to get 'better' at it.

What you have not mentioned is your soul.

Seeking God is your answer.

How old are you, OP? If in your 40s, it’s probably peri menopause.

Thanks for posting. I do volunteer, quite a responsible position for a local environmental charity which is close to my heart. But even with that, I'm not helping a food bank, the disadvantaged etc. so am tempted to take on more and more. I do think you are right about aiming small though, I've wondered if mentoring might be something good for me where I can see an impact.

You're right though, I do have a very blessed life. Which immediately leads me to conclude I should be doing as much good stuff as possible with it.

Your laughing face after the cancer scare point made me lol earlier. So thank you for that.

I am so sorry to hear about your dad. It's stories like this that make me want to pull my socks up. I don't want to be in my last years thinking about how I've wasted my life.

Thank you, this was really interesting. I don't create anything. I consume a lot .... I'm crap at set, but I think you may have hit on something here.

I loved horse riding as a teenager (told you I have had a privileged life). I've been thinking about getting back into that for a long while... More immediately I may get the children's coloured pencils out.

Thank you again, an angle I haven't thought of before and after I read this earlier, I listened to a little bit of Lemn Sissay's book where he talks about writing his first poem and how it made him feel alive...

Thank you, I am pleased things are getting better for you.

You're right, there is something stopping me enjoying life. To be honest I have never seen being happy as the point of life. It seems too selfish and I'm obsessed by this thought that I HAVE to make the world a better place. Which strikes me that I have a ridiculous sense of my own importance because I can't actually make much difference. Which should take the pressure off. Therapy, you say.... Have you had therapy?

In reply to @FrancescaContini and @MagpiePi I'm 45... @MagpiePi interesting to see how your low level cba attitude developed at this stage ... I hadn't really blamed the perimenopause as it's an increase of something that has been building rather than something.

Thank you. I don't believe in the soul....

I have got cancer and it hasn't (yet) radically changed my attitude to life but there has been some introspection and one thing I understand is that for me, life is micro, rather than macro, and it's the small things like knowing I appreciate bird song or the way the light falls in my bedroom, laughing with friends, or watching my son sleep that brings me pleasure and makes me feel grateful to be alive.

You are right, no one person can change the world on their own, but if making a positive impact is important to you then you have to keep plugging away at that and know that if everyone did the same, the world would be a different place and just because not everyone is doing that doesn't mean you shouldn't. But don't forget the small things either. If we all concentrated on them, the world would be a calmer and happier place.

Thank you Twig. I wish you all the best. I can find a lot of joy in those things too.

But you are living your life.