End Of Primary School Blues

[HearMeSnore]

I'm not sure if this belongs in Mental Health - there may be another thread about it somewhere but I didn't find one.

Anyone got any tips for beating that end-of-an-era feeling? DD finished Primary yesterday and I'm really struggling today. I know it's normal to feel nostalgic about milestones but I wasn't prepared to feel quite this low. I keep bursting into tears over daft things like finding her school PE shorts in the wash and emptying out her school bag.

I suppose I need reassurance that it'll pass - I keep telling myself that. But I have been known to sink into clinical depression following big life changes and after all the Covid business and a house move last year I was already feeling fragile.

DH doesn't really get it - he takes these things in his stride. I phoned my DM last night to offload. She understood but tried to cheer me up by making light of it and said "Oh this is nothing- just wait until she goes off to university!" (Which did not help.)

Having read back over that I can see that yes, this does belong in Mental Health. How do I bring myself out of this slump before it becomes more than just a slump?

I'll see this as a moment of thankfulness, joy and celebration. It shows she has achieved, grown and is being promoted. I don't see how one can be sad about this.

Remember the first time she rolled over/walked/said her first word etc? And you were excited and celebrated her achieving those milestones? This is another milestone.

Grow with her and be happy and proud of her achievements.

I think social media has a lot to do with it. I always feel at bit of end of term blues, the passing of time is always a bit sad. However, the social media posts I've seen about people being heartbroken that their child is moving to secondary school are OTT. I think it's easy to get wrapped up in the drama.

My eldest is moving into year 5, so this whole post might come back to bite me when I'm sobbing into DD's PE shorts in two years time 😉

You know what there is something about year six leavers that makes me cry as well. My children are much younger, but seeing the Year 6s on the last day of term made me well up. Its the first huge ‘end of an era’ thing we remember going through as adults (generally speaking). I have no advice sorry, but I think it’s normal to be emotional about it, as long as the feeling doesn’t stick around too long and start to interfere with your life?

I felt exactly the same. I was so depressed for about a week. Just inconsolable. It was my last child and it was the end of an era. No more parents chatting. I think in my case I was lonely and unhappy in my marriage and I was projecting what it would be like when the kids left home and I'd be left with just him. I have got divorced since.

I think it's compounded by the fact that she's my only one. The primary years have whizzed by so fast and there isn't a younger sibling staying there while she moves up. That might have softened the transition a bit, maybe?

And I feel cheated that she missed out on big chunks of Primary due to Covid - and I know that was the same for everybody - but I think it might be why it feels too soon.

And @peterpiperpickedapiece I think you might be onto something with the feeling lonely. I'm not unhappy in my marriage but DH and I have been so preoccupied over last year, with renovations and moving house, we haven't really had much time for each other. And for similar reasons I haven't really reconnected with friends since lockdown but I'm already working on that - I've arranged a meet-up next week and I'm hoping to catch up with an ex-neighbour over the holidays.

It’s perfectly normal to grieve a time in your life which is coming to an end - especially if it has been a particularly happy stage.

Do you have her uniform and things sorted for her new school yet? Mine are a bit older now but I still mark the transition between the year groups. We go through all their books, get rid of what they don’t need and organise the ones they need to keep. We go out together to get any new uniform and I give them money to go and choose all the fun bits and pieces like stationery and a new bag. They do this themselves whilst I sit somewhere nice and have a coffee and then we go for lunch and chat about what they are looking forward to for the next year, teachers, any worries they have, etc. It’s a nice day and I weirdly look forward to it over the summer.

I also struggled a bit emotionally when my eldest left primary. My DP - who is not sentimental at all - actually shed a tear the first time he did the school run with just our youngest after our eldest had left. I had actually forgotten about that. And that’s partly the point - you will move on very quickly. There will be lots of new things to remember when your DD starts secondary and it will just naturally fill your headspace.

@Jovanka Thank you. I'm very much hoping so. No doubt we'll all adapt to the new routine very quickly. I have most of her new uniform already because I was warned the key items sell out very quickly. I will absorb myself with putting name tags on everything and I'm sure I will enjoy the process of getting her ready for the next step.
It's getting rid of the old stuff that I struggle with! I think I generally have a bit of a mental block about letting go of the past. DD gave up dance classes a year ago and it's only now that I'm feeling ok with getting rid of her old dance kit!

Yes! This was me! So overcome with melancholy and sadness when my DS left primary. He's my "only" whereas the other oarebts also had younger ones still at primary so they didn't quite get me and why the sadness.

It was the year that Lukas Graham released 7 years as a song in the charts and this was re-written, by many primary teachers in year 6 I suspect that year, as a graduation song - it floored me and I was in floods of tears by the end of that assembly. So proud of the children and their accomplishments during their time at prinary school - all of them, not just my DS - reflecting on how much they had grown and developed their personalities and confidences. But yet so very sad that this era had ended. My DH didn't understand my sadness either - but that's an entirely different thread.

We spent the summer building new confidences, having fun and getting ready for the next stage of secondary school - it was exciting! The new uniform, introductory day when he met his new class friends, our family summer holiday, practising the independent journey to school by bus, buying that all important first mobile phone!
We donated old uniform to the pta for their nearly new uniform sale during the summer.

NOW my DS has left secondary - again I was overwhelmed with sadness at the end of an era - the uniform has been passed down but he's still holding on to all his old gcse and a level course books - ive no idea why but it does comfort me to see it all boxed up still in the corner of the spare room ..... along with his favourite Teddy 😉.

@HearMeSnore - embrace the sadness, its normal and healthy to feel that little bit of loss that your little one isn't so little now - but also embrace the pleasure and happiness that they are growing and developing and moving onto another stage in their life. Its all good - busy yourself, build memories and have a fantastic summer with them.

@MusicForASushiRestaurant Thank you for sharing your experience. I knew I couldn't be the only one! My Mum once told me she would give anything to go back to when DSis and I were little and do it all again. I thought she was exaggerating but I totally get it now. I just feel like shouting "No! I haven't finished yet!"

DD has a swimming lesson today which I'm finding comforting. At least that's a bit of our usual routine that doesn't need to change yet. And we're going out for a family dinner - mainly for my imminent birthday, but also to kick off the holidays. Hopefully that will give me a bit of a lift.

I completely get it. If you want you could ask your daughter to write down some things she loved about primary school, teachers, friends etc then video her talking about them and the bag she had and lunchbox etc. Plus video or photograph some of her year 6 work if school gave you some books back. See it as a celebration, an achievement to have finished primary school. You could also film her looking back at photos from her first day and how small she was. You could also video yourself talking about the same things so you have something to watch back in later years.

Ds2 has just finished secondary school and it is the end of 8 years of uniform for that school for me. I videoed myself sewing name labels into Ds1's stuff for year 11. It is quite comforting to have these things to look back on, not just photos but talking about how you feel too.

Give yourself time to grieve a little but also embrace the new.

Op you are alone, I felt like you at the end of every stage for DC. My DH also didn't really get it.

Spoke to some other Mums who totally got it. No answers but just wanted to say that you are not alone xx

I think everyone feels it to a certain extent. I feel it sometimes too, when I'm looking at the photo of my dc when he was small. Feel of loss in a way, that precious moment has passed.
But what I do when I feel sad is, to think about my own experience. How I was excited to go to secondary, uni, get a new job, etc.
Children growing up is something to celebrate, not the opposite.

I'm the opposite I don't feel much about and feel bad that people around me "get the feels". I guess we're all different?

Everyone I knows shares pics of their kids on first day of school n the older children, and we all say we would love those tiny kids back again. So cute, loveable and adorable . They still are of course, but there's nothing like a small child. Why do you think women have large families? They love those tiny baby and children days. You're not alone, but it will pass. Don't brush your sadness away. It's a valid emotion and one you need to process before moving into the next phase. I think most people have some anxieties about senior school.

Lots of wise words here - thank you everyone. I know that each step forward is a success and something to celebrate, but it's always a bittersweet experience for me. Ever since I was little I've had trouble letting go of the good times! I'd always get emotional at the end of holidays, for example. And to this day I feel really deflated when it starts to get dark on Christmas Day. And I've always had a degree of anxiety about change of any kind.

So, naturally, I'm finding those poignant milestones a bit challenging. When DD was a toddler I used to have a "moment" every time she outgrew a pair of shoes.

I am feeling better today - I've had a sort out of all her school stuff, and it helped to focus on the things she'll still need. DH, like I said, doesn't really get it, but he suggested we make a scrap book out of the bits and pieces I've saved ("Star of the Week" certificates, the placard she painted with her name on it to go on her drawer, tickets from school concerts etc...) He's sentimental in his own way, he just doesn't seem to experience the sense of loss that I get.

Ironically, I think what's helping most is remembering how sad I felt when she left Infant school. The leavers assembly there seemed deliberately designed to make all the parents cry. (Slide show with "A Million Dreams" playing over it, a presentation of a copy of "Oh, The Places You'll Go" to each child... there was not a dry eye to be seen). But as upset as I was at the time, the next stage turned out to be wonderful. If I could go back and live another stage over again it would be the Junior years, not Infants. So maybe the next stage will be even better.

I expect I'll still have little wobbles when I unexpectedly come across a school report from 2018 at the back of a drawer but it helps to know I'm not the only one!

How are you doing now? X

Struggling with this so much at the moment