Irrational fear and intrusive thoughts about swapped babies

[Ano]

Hello,

Since TTC (which was difficult) I've often had intrusive thoughts. Now that my baby boy was born (almost six weeks ago), I'm still afraid of losing him. There should be no reason because he is always healthy, actually.

I also have this fear that he was accidentally swapped at the hospital, because I feel that I did not take enough precautions to ensure that he was not accidentally swapped during my four-day stay there. I had a C-section and at that time I had all other kinds of fear, and haven't thought about swapped babies yet.

DH was there in the OP theater and stayed with the baby when he was cleaned for the first time in the delivery ward, but DH only remembered belatedly that the two name bracelets were fastened there and then on the baby's wrists, so I'm afraid that DH confused the timeline and it was actually fastened later, increasing the possibility of swapped babies. In the maternity ward, a midwife took the baby away every morning to be refreshed and changed, and unfortunately it did not occur to us to follow them. I feel like a bad mother now that I did not keep my baby under my eyes 24/7.

What worries me is that DH is Japanese (I'm European), but the baby does not look Asian. DH is not worried at all, though. He said he recognized it was the same baby each time the midwife returned him to us. But then I thought that babies can look similar.

DH also showed me a picture that he took before the baby was separated from us for the first time, and pointed out that the baby on the picture has the same pale stork bite marks on the forehead, under the nose, and above the lip. There was also the same constellation of milia (small white buttons) on his nose that we can see on his first picture at home.

The milia are gone now, and I find myself obsessively comparing the first picture at the hospital with the first picture at home to make sure that the constellation of milia is identical on both pictures, but I always see differences (also with the stork bite marks). DH said that they are identical, and the differences are caused by the angle and the lighting in the delivery ward, yet I still feel insecure.

Am I insane? Do you think I have reasons to be afraid, or this is just an irrational fear?

My mother also obsessed that I was swapped at the hospital well into my teen, until the similarity between me and my dad is too much to be ignored, and one of her first questions was whether I made sure that the baby was not swapped (well, I didn't). Don't get me wrong, I love my boy to bits, but I can't help thinking that perhaps he was swapped because I didn't pay enough attention at the hospital.

I'm sorry for the long post. I'm considering therapy, but haven't gotten around it.

why don't you do a DNA test? I think your mother's fears have been passed on to you. This is not a rare fear though. It does happen but thankfully extremely rarely.

I think you know perfectly well that this is classic post-natal anxiety speaking, primed by your mother’s odd obsession with babies being swapped. I understand and sympathise, as I was obsessed with a nun taking my newborn when we were still in hospital after a CS (there were no nuns anywhere), and I literally kept my baby in my arms until I left hospital. It was both dangerous and mad, but I was really afraid. Seek some help for the intrusive thoughts — health visitor or GP to start with?

Speak to your midwife or dr you might be suffering from pnd don’t suffer in silence. You recognise your thoughts aren’t right so act on it now.

Firstly congratulations on the birth of your son and hope you are recovering well.

These sorts of intrusive thoughts can be a common symptom of PPA / PND. Have you discussed them with your midwife or GP (you should have your 6 week check coming up)? They can refer you for some specialist perinatal support as a matter of priority. As someone who was not proactive in managing PND, it was a horrible time for me and DH that i wouldnt wish on anyone else.

Do a dna test? Does your baby have blue spot on his back? If so, it's very likely that he has Asian genetics. (It will disappear as he grows, faint blue grey birth marks, called Mongolian blue spots. My dc (Also Asian+ White British mix) had them as a baby.

They put the bracelet on then and there and it doesn't get removed until discharge. It is vanishingly unlikely that your baby could have been swapped.

As for the Asian features, there is a reason for the running joke about all new babies looking like the boss. Newborns don't really resemble either parent so much as a wrinkly potato.

My friend is white and her husband black and their kids range from being almost as fair as she is to being darker skinned than their father. (Gets that from her grandad) they are all 100% theirs.

Thank you, all. Deep in me I know this is my anxiety speaking. There are days I feel better about this (because, ironically, I worry about something else), and then the fear would return when the other worries are resolved. DH thinks that DNA test is a waste of money for a sure thing like this, and that I'd invent another worry anyway once this one is cleared up, so he thinks I'd better get my anxiety treated.