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Therapist training in narcissism and trauma therapy

16 replies

choiceschoices1 · 18/07/2022 21:14

I've never done therapy before and am think my current partner is a narcissist. I'm constantly upset being told I did/said something when I didn't, been made out that I'm crazy, belittle when I cry, etc.

I need a therapist who understands narcissistic behaviour and trauma therapy. Please can I have your recommendations for UK or similar time zone. Thank you

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Eyesopenwideawake · 18/07/2022 22:41

Is the the therapist for you or him?

Celestial135 · 18/07/2022 22:44

Are you able to leave the relationship safely? I'd leave first, then find a therapist.

choiceschoices1 · 18/07/2022 22:50

The therapist is for me. As for leaving safely partner works away so flies in/out on his off days. I'm drawing a conclusion that I think he's a narcissist but really want to try and equip myself with better ways on how to deal with him aa a partner or ex partner

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Celestial135 · 18/07/2022 22:54

Take it from me the only way to equip yourself as you put it, is go no contact. They tear you down till there's not a shred of self esteem lefr. It took me years to walk away(from a parent in my case) and it really held me back. My confidence was shot. They are all the same and don't change. Watch Dr Ramani on youtube.

Eyesopenwideawake · 18/07/2022 22:56

Probably cheaper and easier to block, forget and move on. You don't need therapy, if he does it's his responsibility to find it.

SteveHarringtonsChestHair · 18/07/2022 23:11

I spent years and too much money having therapy to learn how to deal with a narcissistic partner. if I’d put half that time and money into working on myself I’d be a better place right now. Instead I carried on flogging that dead horse for much longer than I should have done. I still miss him, but only by moving on and working on myself have I been able to envisage a life without him at the centre of it.

fuck him. Forget him. Concentrate on the only one who matters - you.

gogogadgetgo · 18/07/2022 23:37

I agree with everyone here.
There's no point. Just block and leave. For your Own sanity

I started therapy (for unrelated past trauma) whilst going out with a narcissist. One session our relationship just came tumbling out as we'd had an argument and I was so upset.

My therapist obviously couldn't tell me to leave him but he made it very clear if I stayed I'd need a hell of a lot more therapy.

Sandra1984 · 18/07/2022 23:56

I ended my relationship with my narcissist a couple months ago, we only dated 4 months and I'm still traumatized, with very low self esteem. He angrily dumped me because I had boundaries (how dare I!) and was not dumb or submissive enough. If I'm still questioning myself and dealing with the aftermath after only 4 months of dating I don't want to know the terrible effects it must do after years of dating one of these individuals. Holly shit.

OP get out asap or you will be spending A LOT on therapy.

choiceschoices1 · 19/07/2022 09:47

Thanks however not that simple to move on as we have two young children together. Right now we're just ignoring each other and not speaking however we're all meant to go for summer holidays with the children to his country. With me working from home out there. I have not arranged childcare here in UK and he was meant to arrange it out there (nanny at home while I work from hime), still not sure if he has arranged this but he says he has options. So at this very moment it's not that simple for me to block and go no contact

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sleepymum50 · 19/07/2022 10:19

I was advised to look for a chartered clinical psychologist, they will have done a uni degree.

I found my therapist who works in a practice (self employed I believe). I looked through the bios of all the therapists and chose the one who was the best fit for me.

Eyesopenwideawake · 19/07/2022 12:52

All the more reason for ending the relationship. You can't "deal" with a narcissist (if that's what he really is, rather than a common or garden twat) - you can only protect your children from his influence.

choiceschoices1 · 19/07/2022 14:04

I don't even know if he is one. Maybe I have tendencies too. Im feeling so lost and not sure who to go to. He just told me this morning that he is feeling better for not seeing me as he is back home in his home country. I'm really struggling with things

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StarShineSun · 19/07/2022 14:08

He's feeling better for not seeing you? 🙈 omg that's awful. He's a narcissist! People with self awareness and empathy don't say that

choiceschoices1 · 19/07/2022 15:52

It's not a nice thing to say but I just say it back. And I haven't shone myself in glory. But it's been so tough looking after three kids with him away, no family, working and when he does come he just disrupts things and doesn't get on board, listen, show consideration, care or empathy of any kind. I'm actually thinking I'm depressed because of my life. Even writing this I'm crying

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Eyesopenwideawake · 19/07/2022 15:59

Have a hug 🤗

Sounds to me like him not being in your life is far better than when he is when he does come he just disrupts things and doesn't get on board, listen, show consideration, care or empathy of any kind At least if you were separated you would be able to concentrate on you and your children without having to worry about him. How is your financial situation - are you married?

choiceschoices1 · 19/07/2022 16:06

Doing the three kids on my own plus working four days is killing me. At least when he would come he would help with drop, chores around and I could book appointments or just feel like I'm not on the constant treadmill. He's flying in this Friday but will stay in a hotel and I will drop the kids to him at airport on Saturday , meaning I will pack for the kids etc. he says he's not staying here but meanwhile I've still got the full load

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