When others don't understand

[Orangesandlemons77]

My family (mainly DH and MIL) keep suggesting things to me like to socialise more and get out more but actually the things which seem to help me most are things I tend to do alone like swimming, yoga, walking or reading.

Does anyone else have this? I guess it is well meaning but I actually find people quite stressful, not so bad 1:1 but not good with groups / busy places..

My diagnosis is recurrent psychotic depression. One of the triggers for psychosis is stress. So it makes sense to avoid stress for me

But I'm left with this doubt, should I be trying harder to socialise? I spend time with my family but it seems that isn't enough. I have vaguely thought of doing a counselling course to help others.

Hi, I think you should do whatever makes you happy. My dh has psychosis, severe depression and GAD and no longer likes mixing with other people. He can't even cope with family get togethers anymore. However, he enjoys reading and watching TV alone and will accompany me on walks and to the shops. He's constantly being told that he should socialise more, but I think that if he is happy as he is, then he should do what he wants and shouldn't be forced into uncomfortable situations. Not everyone is the same. I, too, like my own company and enjoy reading, listening to music, watching films, yoga and gardening alone. As long as you aren't lonely then I don't think you should feel pressured to mix with other people or do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. If a counselling course is something that interests you, then that's a great idea. At the end of the day, you have an illness and if you are anything like my dh, then just getting up, getting ready and generally functioning day to day is a massive achievement.

You shouldn't be 'trying' to do anything at all.
You need to let yourself 'be'.
Offering well meaning advice is just piling on pressure.

Oh, thanks for the replies! It has made me feel much better. Oh to have a DH as emphatic and understanding as some of you.

he told me last week I was 'just sitting around waiting for death' which wasn't particularly helpful! More the sort of thing I would come out with myself!

He's pretty stressed atm and I get that it can be frustrating. And underneath the intention is probably good

But overall I think there is just a bit of a lack of understanding particularly with MIL who when I told her about depression she told me I had 'nothing to be depressed about' for example.

Some people think we need to just 'snap out of it' but it's not that simple is it. Now I have started feeling guilty if I do things like go off swimming as feel it might be seen as self indulgent for example. But I guess I'll try to let that go, as that day I didn't go I felt worse for it.

It's so tricky to explain and another thing I have found is that people don't understand psychosis and it frightens them. MIL said for example she 'couldn't be around me when I was being like that' as if it was a choice.

Maybe I am just expecting too much.

Have applied online to join this support group thing with activities run by Mind. My first thought is it sounds awful, maybe the other people with have problems and try and offload on me, expect me to support them more than I can or get funny if e.g. I don't want to meet up outside the group etc.

But maybe I can try it and see and if it's not for me just not go back.

Yes, try the support group and, like you say, if you don't like it you can always leave. I've considered joining support groups but haven't yet plucked up the courage. I've had a lot of support from people on here (yourself included) and it helps to talk to other people. I think sometimes partners of people with mental health issues struggle to understand the effort it takes for them to "just be". I've had to realise and come to terms with the fact that my dh no longer wants to do any of the things we used to, going out for meals, going on holiday etc but I know how ill he's been and I'm just happy he's able to live at home. We try and find pleasure in other ways, just sitting in the garden watching the birds, reading, listening to podcasts, cooking a nice meal. As for other family members, lots of them, particularly the younger ones create sympathetic Facebook posts about mental health etc but when they are faced with a relative with actual mental health issues, particularly psychosis, they don't want to know. We've actually had people confuse psychosis with being psychopathic, a vastly different thing! My dh has been told to pull himself together by his elderly dad, who has even tried to blame me for his illness. As I said previously, just getting up and getting ready to face the day is a massive achievement for someone with psychosis and depression.

One of the pleasures of being an adult is being able to do as you please. Children have to do as they're told, you don't. Remember that.

It sounds to me like your introverted, in that you enjoy your own company and can find being around people draining and exhausting. Nothing wrong with that at all and that's just how you're wired. I think it's something that extroverts/rest of the world struggles to get their heads around and comprehend and think it's something that needs fixing which isn't helpful when you're already struggling with low mood and self doubt.
I'm an introvert too!