How do you cope when life is relentlessly hard?

[TerrorAustralis]

For the past two years I’ve been under enormous stress. I’ve experienced almost all the major life events that are considered the most stressful, and the hits keep on coming.

I am so utterly worn out, but at the same time my anxiety is sky high. I’m also pretty sure I’ve got undiagnosed ADHD, so I’m completely overwhelmed by life and all the things on my to do list. I’m not suicidal or self-harming, but I just want to either run away or take to my bed for a week. Neither of those things are possible with a DC and dog that need me to look after them.

For the last few months I’ve just been “getting by” and trying to lower my standards to just focus on keeping us fed and clothed, and keeping up with work (I work from home as a freelancer, so trying to keep clients happy to make sure they keep giving me work).

I know things should eventually get less stressful. But not before there is a whole heap of heartache (a family member is terminally ill).

I have limited support around me at the moment, particularly for practical support. So taking time off or having someone else take DC & dog to give me a break is not really possible.

I guess my question is do any of you lovely people have strategies for coping when you feel completely depleted? How do you fill your cup when it’s been empty for so long?

OP, something that helped me is a book called 'How to Keep House While Drowning' by KC White. It offers some useful practical strategies but also some deeper, comforting truths about how to keep going in the face of despair. I listened to the audio version which is read by the author.
All the best to you.

Thank you, I’ll try to find it.

I could have almost written your post a few months ago.

A diagnosis and medication for ADHD helped.

Can you afford more paid help with DC, even if it's just during the day, so you have some time for yourself? Are they at daycare / school full time?

One DC in primary school. Usually when he’s at school, I’m working. So not much time for myself.

I need to see a GP soon anyway, so I will talk about the anxiety and suspected ADHD to see if I can get a referral for assessment.

I know that you've cut back on commitments, and that freelancing masked this difficult, but is the any way you can drop / not pick up some contracts for a while? Burnout is awful, and tends to build up until you take some time off.

I’m actually in a quieter patch right now, but it’s been school holidays where I am, so that’s kind of balanced out (not in my favour!). I’ve got another big project due to start soon and I’ve been trying to chase the client for some more details, and if it’s going to be too much I might pull out. But at the same time, I need the money coming in!

Be careful. I've been in a situation where I kept pushing myself when I should have been dialling back. The quality of my work suffered, and it ended up costing a lot more in time, angst, and money than if I'd taken a break.

Thanks, I’ll give it some thought.

I’m sorry you are going through this. Hope the difficult time passes quickly.

When I’m really struggling, I do this in the morning:
drink one full pint of water
make my bed
stretch for a few minutes
think one positive thought (sometimes just “oh how nice to have running water in my house”)
and say a little prayer (like “help me get through this day”)

This routine has helped me in the worst times. I usually combine the positive thought and the gratitude and the bed making. I really shouldn’t wait for things to feel unmanageable before getting back into this routine. It’s nice, simple and helps me start my day.

For the past week, I’ve been setting a timer for 5 minutes and “meditating”. In quotes because I have no idea how to meditate but I sit and do breathing exercises and try to clear my mind/focus breathing. I stretch a bit, too. It’s amazing how much it has helped me in just a few days - I feel so much calmer and in control of myself than usual.

Hang in there and hope you find things that work for you.

This sounds like good advice, thanks. I’ll write a note for myself to do this tomorrow morning. I often make resolutions to do things like this, and then forget in the morning!