Do you constantly feel like you’ve done something wrong or everyone is out to get you?

[Merciloloo]

and if so, what is it?! I’m not paranoid, but I’m super wary and anxious about it.

I wish I knew how to stop. I feel like it’s just me who feels this way. My friends that I vent to always say how amazed they are with the worst car scenarios I come up with and they’re like a movie!

See the doc - you can get help for this

Yes, it’s hangover from being horrifically bullied as a child.

These sound a bit like intrusive thoughts and there are ways to cut them off x

@Mischance I’ve been before - what does it sound like this is?

@Flaunch is this true?! Because I was bullied badly! But a ton of stuff happened in my childhood I mean loads.. which is why I struggle to realise what this is, because it can be a number of things.

Could you share some if possible? Xx

Me too! I'm in hospital at the moment and I must be irritating the absolute crap out of all the staff here because I can't stop my "what if?" thoughts.

I had to have an epidural and asked the anaesthetist if I'd be idealised. I had to have a GA and asked if I'd wake up but nobody could tell.

My blood pressure dropped and I nearly fainted and I asked a nurse if I was going to die.

I just can't stop my thoughts. A therapist said it sounded like PTSD - visualising different horrible possibilities. I hate it.

PARALYSED! Not idealised. Nobody is idealising me at the moment - lying here with my catheter. 😂

@DoingJustFine im so sorry to hear what you’re going through. Sending you love

Yes @Merciloloo I call it hypervigilance and take anxiety meds for it. They help A LOT.

@Bearyhumcrack do you mind if I ask what you take and the difference you noticed? I’m overseas so have to suggest it to the doctor here, it’s not the same as the UK x

I take escitalopram, it took about 10 days to start working and after 6 months, increased the dose from 10-20mg. Recently gone back down to 10 but with beta blockers for really bad days. They make my mouth very dry though so I don't take them too often.

For most people its about having past trauma, poor attachment and other experiences which has led to their emotional development being externalised, so they are externally driven and led, meaning they see that life happens 'to' them, rather than them being the drivers and deciders of their lives.

It leads to a view of themselves as being controlled by others, never knowing whats coming, so when things go wrong in life its hard for them to consider that it might have been no ones fault or it might have been their fault. They will only ever see that things that go wrong are someone elses fault (which sometimes they might be)

That leads to a cementing of the feeling that things are not in their control and that causes distress and anxiety. In turn may people then become quite controlling in maladaptive ways toward other people, or try to cope by use of self harm, drink, drugs, gambling, food/lack of food etc etc. It can manifest as paranoia and anger.

The interpretation they make about things which they see or happen, will always be that it was caused by someones ill intent toward them, and if they respond with anger or paranoia then life becomes quite unpleasant and they're quite unpopular which means that their experiences can be negative which reinforces that they think the world is out to get them.

CBT is a good method to reframe the thoughts alongside anti anxiety medication.

@bellac11 ’hard to see it was their fault or no one’s fault.’ Or the flip side, experience excessive feelings of responsibility.

@bellac11 - great explanation btw. Thanks

Yes absolutely and sometimes a combination of the two but never quite the 'right' responsibility so abdicating the responsibility they really do have but assuming responsibility which is often none of their business or enmeshment with others feelings/behaviours etc. The emotional ownership goes a bit askew.

This is an amazing comment. Thank you so much @bellac11 because this is exactly what happened to me in earlier life. I am taking a self paced course for CBT, so that’s a relief to read the end of your comment. Is this why for example, I assume maybe people around me don’t like me or may gang up on me one day? Not sure if that makes sense. It happens severely with my DP’s friends who are lovely.

Exactly that.

For example, one of the best things a therapist said to me was along the lines of 'you're not that important, you're not that powerful, no one is thinking about you or looking at you all the time'

For us that suffer anxiety, particularly where we have had this background, we fear people are doing things 'to' us, are making decisions because of us, looking and thinking about us (usually we perceive this in a negative way)

But they're not. They're just living their own lives, their own thoughts about what its important to them, their own anxieties, they may even be worrying that you are looking or thinking about them badly.

So when you're walking down the road and someone looks grumpy to you, you might perceive that as hostility, or they're thinking negatively about you, when in fact they literally havent even seen you.

You see a friend in the shop or street or wherever and they dont acknowlege you, or they dont wave back. You may internalise that as they hate you, they're angry at you, they're rejecting you. But alternatively they're locked in their own thoughts, didnt have their glasses on, upset about something.

Learning that something is not 'all about you' is a way to relieve anxiety but equally empower yourself that your experiences with society are not just negative ones.

@bellac11 that’s exactly how I feel. I followed DP’s best friends fitness account on instagram after he followed me on his personal, and he didn’t follow me back and this was weeks ago.. since then I’ve assumed he doesn’t like me when he probably didn’t see it. It’s as if my anxiety makes me feel I’m the main character in everyone’s life and they are out to get me when that’s not the case!

It might be worth looking up compassion based therapy approaches, theres a lot of books on Amazon about that

There will always be times when someone really doesnt like you, or does something like that, but most of the time no one is really thinking about you in that way, or just couldnt be bothered following you or hasnt got round to it, or simply doesnt want to. Not because they hate you but just because they dont want to

I do think social media has a lot to answer for. You probably need a lot of validation all the time, making you a bit needy. Social media is a nightmare for that, you'll be looking for every little sign that someone isnt validating you. You need to validate you, you need to be internally satisfied and driven but the therapy will give you the tools to learn that.