How long for venlaflaxine to work ? Depressed husband

[Poppydog12]

My husband has had psychotic depression for 8 years . He has had two stats in a hospital . They have changed his meds now to venlaflxine.
I just feel it is never getting better, he has good spells but they seem to be fleeting.
we have five kids two of whom are autistic.
he shows no interest in us or asks how our day was etc.
i suppose I just think is this it now ? We have been together 22 years married 18 but Will it ever get better ? Thanks

I have psychotic depression. Tried venlafaxine but it did not work for me. Is he taking any anti-psychotics? I take Fluoxetine plus Aripriprazole for my psychotic depression. The Aripriprazole is absolutely necessary to keep the hallucinations and psychotic episodes at bay. Without it, couldn’t tackle the depression aspect.

Also are they offering him any talking therapy for the depression? If he’s been in hospital twice they should be doing more I think.

I have had mine for ten years now and my psychotic symotoms are zero and I’m not depressed either. I did get lots of therapy/counselling on and off over the years. I’m still on my medication as it really helps.

i'm currently on 150mg of Venlafaxine a day which I take with Mirtazapine at night. I did have some side effects such as night sweats for a week or so but then things got easier. I was on 75mg a day at first but my psychiatrist then upped the dosage and he felt it would get me feeling in a more positive place. I have to say that it has worked for me by and large. I still get anxious and worry about how I come across to people at times but in general I feel more like "me" again. Sometimes it can take a few weeks for meds to take effect. I think that there is always hope, it's just hard pushing through the dark times. I second talking therapy. I think the combination of the two can be very effective

Hi, thanks so much for replying . He was on mitrazapine but decided ! It wasn’t working.! He also takes olanzapine .
he sees a cpn and various psychologists and psychiatrists.
the thing is he is not very approachable at home , if I try to talk to him he gets very crabbit.
intey to encourage him to keep his health habits, ie regular sleeping pattern, eating better, moving more but he doesn’t want to and feels like I am trying to control him when I suggest these things .
its so hard as our children are older now and they are starting to
become effected .
I’ve spent the first six months of the year really struggling to support him .
i just think when does his mental health stop trumping ours ?

Well no one’s mental health trumps anyone else’s really, we are all important. I’d scale back the support as it seems he thinks it is you nagging/controlling him. Maybe he’s one of those introverts who would rather not talk about his feelings and be left to heal on his own. Perhaps just say you’re there if he needs you all he has to do is ask but you’re not going to hover over him any more. Then focus on yourself and the kids mental health with the extra energy and time.

i just think when does his mental health stop trumping ours ?

That'll be when you decide the time has come to prioritise the mental health of yourself and your children, which is an entirely responsible and appropriate thing to do.

He is not going to walk away simply because of a sudden epiphany which makes him comprehend the toll his state has on his family, and you are under no obligation whatsoever to just tolerate whatever happens between now and him getting better, whenever that arbitrary point in time might arrive, so if it really is at the point where you believe you and your children need to be away from him either temporarily or permanently, then that's a decision you will have to take because he's not going to be forthcoming with it in his state.

You can't make him better, so there really isn't any point in hanging around at the stage where it is making you and/or your children ill as well. You can't sacrifice your own mental wellbeing just because your partner is ill, and I say that as someone who has lived with mental illness my entire adult life and also left a very long term relationship largely because of the consequences.

People inevitably want to support an unwell partner, well the decent ones do at least, but there is invariably a point where that help and support becomes inconsequential, and the only purpose it serves is to diminish the life and health of the people trying to provide it.

Thank you so much . I am trying to do that and give my kids a great summer as they have had a rubbish six months . I think I just feel that we’re not a partnership anymore, it’s really hard as I know it’s an illness but sometimes I think he gives in to it which is probably a horrible thing to say but if you’ve been with someone since you were 17 you know how they tick . I probably sound like a right cow I just can’t imagine a life without him being depressed or down and it feels like a long life .

I have actually tears reading this you have put all my thoughts on paper . But how do you be the person that leaves someone that has a mental illness ?

You have yourself and five children (two with ASD) to care for, not just an ill DH- that’s alot on your plate you can only do so much as one woman. If were so ill or ill so long that my DH had to leave me to put our children first, I’d be in total agreement with him. So you don’t sound like a cow or anything but a good mother.

Instead of you leaving, is there anywhere your DH can go to recuperate? Are his parents or siblings willing to have him stay with them for six months or so? It might actually benefit him to have time away to focus on advocating for himself for medical care and doing the work to get better. (It’s not easy).

It doesn’t have to be a permanent divorce type split- it can be a go off and get your shit sorted and then come back type of split.

(Just thinking it may be better for children if 1 person moves instead of 6 persons as moving from family home can be very disruptive especially for children with ASD. )

Thank you , his mum and dad espy can be worse they will give him some diazepam as it’s his dad’s miracle cure . His mum tends to think she does enough by popping in and out once a fortnight . I asked them if he could go there on April and they weren’t very forthcoming. Ideally I think it’s what he needs . I tell him conservative I just want him to be healthy and happy and if that means he needs to take a break from us then fine but he won’t won’t go stay at his mums and mine’s doesn’t have room for me and the kids . We are going away with my mum next week and I’ve hinted that he should just stay here x

3 weeks for me. Great first week, dodgy second and third week. Much much better at end of 3rd week.

Thank you so glad you are feeling good . He has just had his upped and I feel He has got worse since they upped it ? I’m really hoping this fortnight is just a blip but it’s def a you know the signs situation x

People usually feel worse at first. It may pass.

Really ? That’s quite reassuring but puzzling to know . Also thanks To all that’s taken the time to reply I’m not allowed to talk to anyone about how he’s feeling as he gets embarrassed or upset if i do so finding this has been great x

They make you feel worse because the brain is being told to create more happy chemicals than normal.

It then tries to adapt by producing more sad chemicals to balance it. This is why people feel crap at first.