Self harm scars and sunbathing

[Leanne053]

Hello
I am going on holiday abroad next month for the first time in a long time, I am 29 female. I want to enjoy myself and not fixate on worrying about my self harm scars. Both thighs are thick with scars, all fully healed just the odd few that are a bit angry/red looking still. If ever I go swimming, spa days etc in this country I wear shorts to cover my legs but abroad I want to be able to sun bath and swim in a bikini, I don't feel nice having to wear shorts. I just wanted peoples opinion, if you saw someone round the pool would you be disgusted, would you not want your children to see? At no point am I going to be gallivanting round the pool or sat in my bikini at the snack bar let's say but getting in/out the water or on a sun lounger I do hope to have my legs out, would this make other people feel uncomfortable? I understand it's my body and I can do whatever I please (to some extent) but...yeah I'm sure you can see where I'm coming from. Would appreciate any thoughts, positive or negative! Thanks!

I'm covered in them. Once tried to count but stopped as over 1000.

I wear short sleeves for work so they're always out. Had 3 comments in a year. Some sly glances. But most people don't really give a shit.

Enjoy your life and your body. You will be dying one day and wish you had.

I used to hide my scars (thighs are worst, also all fully healed). Now I do my best not to care, and just wear my bikini. I haven't noticed anyone being upset, but sometimes people ask me questions about them (which I'm fine with).

Be careful with them in the sun though, keep them extra protected with factor fifty.

I wouldn’t dream of forming any opinion on your scars and certainly would not stare .
my only thought would be “ I hope she’s doing well “

Go and have a great time x

@Karmapolice89 that's the way to think isn't it!!

@scaredorganicyoghurt I realllly hope I can pluck up the courage to wear one, even if I cover with a towel to and from the pool or whatever, at home now sat on my sofa I feel quite brave thinking I'll be okay in a foreign country where nobody knows me but I imagine it will be a bit scarier at the time!

I wouldn’t judge at all. One point though, I have a couple of scars which are only visible when I tan. The scars don’t tan and my leg looks like I’ve missed two big stripes of skin while applying sunblock. So maybe use a self tan before hand just to avoid ending up with that affect.

Other than that, enjoy your holiday 😀

@babbi thank you 😊

I have a couple of bad scars on my wrist one of which looks like I tried to slit my wrist.

When I was 18 I worked in a children's activity centre - the scar was very fresh and red at the time and quite noticeable as I was in short sleeves most of the time.

I did clock a few of the teachers eyeing it up but no one said anything and none of the kids even noticed.

I don't think anyone will feel disgusted and if they do their reaction is on them not you.

Wear what you like and feel comfortable doing so.

Wouldn’t make me feel remotely uncomfortable. Scars are just healed skin. Do whatever you’re happy with and enjoy your holiday.

You could always get a very snazzy kaftan to cover up in if you have moments where you do feel self conscious or a bit vulnerable.

But only cover up if it makes you feel better, not to make other people feel better!

@AdoraBell good advice although my scars are thick and the skin is horrible and different to surrounding skin so very noticeable with or without a tan and the scars certainly won't take to fake tan, again why I worry maybe it's a bit too much for a bikini...if only we could turn back the clock!

@Covidagainandagain thank you, yeah I have ordered some wrap around cover up things! I do sort of feel like if anyone is paying that much attention to someone else's body then they can't be having too good a holiday....

Ah, sorry.

You don't have to cover them up, you don't have to feel self conscious about them, you don't have to hide them.

But, if they really bother you, not for this holiday its a bit short notice, but in general, there are tattoo artists who do amazing jobs covering up scars.

@Covidagainandagain yeah it is something I have considered especially if I were to have kids which one day I have to be lucky enough to say I do!

I wouldn’t judge you, I would probably admire you for having the confidence to not care.

The thing I like about holidays is that I will never see these people again, they don’t know me and everyone is different- so many body shapes on display but no one cares! Not the same but still a confidence issue, I’ll get my boobs out no problem on holiday even though I’m really self conscious at home! I could be sat next to an elderly lady, a young lady, an obese lady, an average size lady or a supermodel! But I don’t care.

I have scars and although it’s hard at times (I do get self conscious) they are part of who I was. They remind me of sad times but they also remind me of how far I’ve come and how my life has changed.

Enjoy your holiday!

They're part of you and your story. No shame in what you've been through. Enjoy your holiday and be proud of who you are now. Ps I hope you're doing well now.

No because my DS is taught that every body shape, size, colour etc is different. We don't point out other peoples bodies.

Your scars don't define you and absolutely get your legs out.

You're a powerful strong women, make sure you feel confident in what you're wearing and doing. If other people don't like it they can simply look away x

This exactly. Enjoy your holiday

Absolutely echo what @babbi said!

And to be honest mostly people are so wrapped up in their own insecurities they don’t see others!

Wouldn't judge, wouldn't care, the only time I can think of noticing someones skin at a public pool was the woman with a massive tattoo of Mr and Mrs Potato head that covered her back.

Get a sarong and enjoy your holiday. X

There's no shame and people shouldn't judge, but beware there is a chance they will. And younger children may stare. So yes, all the nice people of mumsnet are right you should do what you like BUT if comments or stares are going to upset you, then I would at least take a cover up and a pair of swim shorts as backup.

I wouldn't notice you in a pool/ getting in/out or on a bed.
I really doubt kids would notice or even care if they did and questions by my kids would be everyone has different skin and that would be it as I've normalised them to different cultures/ colours so I know mine would accept it but probably wouldn't notice anyway.

If I did notice I'd think what a difficult past you'd had and it wouldn't influence me to be any way with you, you're just another random stranger on holiday!

Wear your bikini and have a great time!

Hi Leanne,

I'm 46 and have been stitched up more times than I care to remember. Thighs and arms.

I just carry on now as if they are part of me - well, they are. We can't change what has happened but need to enjoy life.

Nobody mentioned a thing on my last hols in Fuertaventura - I'm not sure anyone even noticed. Most people are self conscious around the pool for all sorts of different reasons and wondering if others are looking at them (nobody is).

Own it, what's done is done - you can spend your life hiding but I really hope you just go out and have a brilliant holiday.

The only people that have ever said anything to me about my scars are those that were SH themselves and wanting to talk.

Don't forget - you aren't going to see these people again so it matters not.

Be strong, don't worry and have a fabulous time!!!