Mental Breakdown - my mum

[IsoIsobaby20]

I am looking for advice from anybody who has been through this with a parent.

My mum retired 6 years ago and at the same time had a major operation. (Both major life events). She had a poor exit from work due to an awful boss in her final year which was not a good end to a great 30 year career.

She had a mental breakdown which lasted around a year but the long term affects are that she now has major health anxiety. She was on anti-depressants for about a year but she refuses to see her symptoms as a mental illness and constantly reverts back to 'when I find out what is physically wrong with me I will be mentally better.' She genuinely only seems happy when she has been to visit a doctor.

She has had a LOT of clean bills of health and is waiting on a final CT scan - which I genuinely don't believe will reveal anything. Her symptoms change depending on the day. I believe she knows this CT scan will be clear and now she has started saying her state is based on childhood trauma (it may well be and this might be a breakthrough), but her approach is that those things make you who you are and that's that.

I have paid for private appointments, for counsellors and for alternative therapies (reiki etc), and I listen without judgement but I feel so sad watching her waste her latter years sitting on her couch refusing to take part in anything (she is now in her 70's). She has had a major personality change - she was the most caring, loving and fun mum and grandma and now she is not interested in anything (no judgement here either - I know mental illness is to blame, but she cannot see it).

Anybody else in this situation - anything else you could recommend or do I have to accept this is outside of my control and just be there?

Eek that sounds hard. You must feel so helpless. No advice, but I do wonder if you need to emotionally distance yourself from her? It sounds like it is impacting you significantly. I wonder if it’s like addiction - they have to want to get better themselves, you can’t force them? Maybe concentrate on your own happiness, and she will see that and want to follow suit 🤷‍♀️

Thank you for responding SunshinePie. It has had a strange impact in that I really watch my MH and exercise, sleep and meditate, control alcohol etc.as I know these things works. It is draining and just so sad. You are spot on - it is impacting me.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, my mum also had a number of mental breakdowns and it’s really hard to cope with.

Do you think the GP could refer her for some therapy perhaps? Maybe once the medical results are back all clear seeing some to talk about this might help, if it’s someone clinical maybe she’ll take in what they’re saying more?

I'd be happy to have a chat with her (no cost, no commitment) if you think it might help.

Thank you all so much for replying. She is under the GP but there has been very little continuity of care. She also tends to go for physical issues and gets a scan a test etc that is a distraction to what is the real issue in my opinion.

Your posts make a lot of sense I will see if I can ask her to speak to her GP again!

Thanks so much for responding.