Counselling

[TheMindfulMum]

What options are available if you can't afford private counselling? Group talking therapy isn't appropriate and I wouldn't qualify for anything one to one under the NHS but I feel I desperately need someone independent who knows their stuff to open up to to try and unravel 10 years of an issue which continues to snowball. Whilst I wouldn't qualify now, left without any help or guidance I can see this problem would probably break me in years to come. Is there anywhere affordable to go where someone will listen and offer advice/coping strategies?

What makes you think you wouldn't qualify? Your gp can probably refer you for sessions on the NHS. Alternatively there are charities who offer support with specific issues.

Because my issue is around family relationships, and I've tried for years to try and fathom out how I should play things, but ultimately continuously hit a brick wall. I see there are far more needy people than me needing the NHS right now but I can't deny this problem takes over my mind, my day to day being, who I am in my marriage, who I am as a parent. It consumes so much of my thoughts and alienates me from being the real me. I guess I just want to get my head straight for once about it. I get I can't change others - who they are, what they've done, how they interpret history - but accepting what's happened and seeing things differently to how I saw things for 30 years is REALLY hard to come to terms with - whilst at the same time playing the "same old me" on the outside to everyone. I just feel I need someone to talk to to explain the whole Sorry mess and to advise of how I should handle things now. Rather than waste another 2/4/6/8 years in this limbo.

Does your employer offer an employee assistance programme?

Oh maybe, actually. I'd have to check. Is that an employee perk so you would qualify by being staff and it's paid for by the company?

Have a look at the book "Responsibility Rebellion" by Kain Ramsay. If you like what he says, then consider studying one of his CBT courses on Udemy (they are generally less than £20 - the Practitioner course is 32 hours long!) as you'll learn a huge amount about how you think, feel and behave now and how you can make changes to yourself that will help you cope with the past, the present and the future.

My online counsellor is £60 an hour even once a month could help. Like you, I have old family relationship issues. In the meantime research transactional analysis. It is helping me become self aware about the patterns

My psychotherapist offers discounted prices for low income clients, I pay £20 a session. It has been hugely helpful in unpicking all the family roles etc. Even if you had one session a month, and write down everything you want to discuss to make the most of your sessions I think you'd get so much out of it.
Best of luck 💐

Thank you 🧡 There are some very helpful and supportive replies here. Weirdly, it's comforting reading that there are others who have issues with family relationships and history. I've been batting this issue around in my head for so many years now it can really make you feel quite lonely and I sometimes even think I've become hyper sensitive and that maybe it's me and there's no issue at all. But I then try and have a reality check and think if someone read what I've started to write down, there's no way this should be seen as normal or acceptable. It's just finding an affordable starting point to start unravelling it.

Lots of good advice upthread but do ask yourself honestly whether you really can't afford it. Maybe you can't but maybe you can if you cut back on other things. I apologise if this is insensitive and you're in financial difficulty. I don't know your circumstances but I do sometimes hear people say they can't afford things when actually they can. They just prioritise other things.

If this really matters to you then you might surprise yourself. No judgement by the way. I think we're all so used to the idea of the NHS and things being free that it can make us a bit passive about our own health and wellbeing. Things like counselling and coaching are an investment in the now AND in the future. I willingly pay for them rather than other things because they make my life better in every single way.

For perspective- £150 of coaching made me thousands in extra income. Counselling (several hundred pounds over 10 months) gave me the courage to seek an ADHD diagnosis, draw up healthier boundaries with family, know myself better and brought my marriage back from the cliff edge. Even if we ultimately separate it will be with less anger and hostility.

So to me, the money I paid out was worth it tenfold. It might be for you too if it's a possibility.