My trauma and loneliness are destroying me from the inside out

[twinkletoesg]

I've tried to be strong for so long but feel as if I just hit breaking point. I've stayed strong for a long time and I've always been there for others, but nobody is there for me. My 2 best friends died within 3 years of each other and I'm still grieving those losses. Since then I honestly have very few people in my life who actually care about me apart from a few elderly relatives. I have a sibling and she wouldn't care if I lived or died and has ignored me my whole life.

I feel it's just me who is destined to live this crappy life, all around me I see people in happy friendships and relationships with people who don't abuse them and I wish I could have that. I feel like I'm just fundamentally unlovable and if I died tomorrow, nobody would even notice or care.

I've just started with a new therapist and might also consider speaking with my GP but I just find myself spiralling big time right now

Could it be that having just started with a new therapist, you're feeling more strongly feelings which have been there since the loss of your friends? Sometimes when the opportunity to talk is approaching, those feelings start to push up inside us, to demand more urgently to be heard.

It's encouraging that you have somewhere to explore those feelings now, & I hope the therapy goes well.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I am so sorry that you are feeling very alone and down. It is a horrible place to be, and hopefully seeing a therapist will help you process it. I don't know how you feel about things like attending support groups, I know they are not for everybody, but they can be helpful. If you are feeling up to it, there are absolutely tons of places looking for volunteers which can be a great way to get some meaning and purpose in life and to meet other people. I know being depressed can make that difficult, but maybe keep it in mind? Losing your friends is traumatic and it sounds as if you are still grieving. Please do be as kind to yourself as possible.