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Original poster

I'm tired and starting not to cope

13 replies

Tiani4 · 04/07/2022 03:11

I'm really tired and starting not to cope. Three DCs all waiting ADHD diagnoses, two are adults now A levels exams just done and one at uni. It's been a long road and they are having challenges all of them though fabulous individuals and achieving but feeling failures themselves as starting to fail through lockdown. Nothing has gone well lately.

I'm running out of mum reserves (as whilst they have a dad he pays nothing tho court ordered and barely sees them )and they are realising now how shite he is. I don't have fight in me. And it's me - (being there in every way) - always on me. Every damn thing.

I have a stressful job as it is. No money spare, losing our home, I'm so so incredibly tired.

OP posts:
Kamia · 04/07/2022 03:30

I am sorry to hear of your financial situation times are really tough now particularly for single parents. Make sure you are getting everything you are entitled to in benefits and also there are so many charities that offer grants to families in need check turn to us. Why are you losing your home are you being evicted if you are I suggest you get a good lawyer they can give you good advice hopefully you will be entitled to legal aid. I've been through this just recently it depends why you are losing your home though. Hang in there OP you should take some time out to have a break and have something to look forward to. Now that your kids are older do you have any hobbies you can do on the side that can earn you money? E.g selling baked goods, tailoring, tutoring, babysitting, cleaning. Sending you my prayers.

Original poster
Tiani4 · 04/07/2022 03:44

Hi thanks for reply. I'm losing house as paying more than 3/4 of my wages to my mortgage each month as it went up with interest rates and can't keep it up.
DCs Dad disappeared off with no address 4.5 years ago despite court ordered maintenance so we live on my part time wages.

My second eldest is now just turned 18 and going to uni so CTC is minimal and Auden drop in CB but oldest two still cost money! More than you fear!!!

Am taking on extra days work for my job to bump up my wages come September. Am doing everything I can but realise I can't keep our family home and must down size and for those 5 months a year out the eldest two into a small bedroom together (b &g) as that's what I can afford.

It's not so shabby I know but both the older two are a tad suicidal at times, one took an overdose 2 years ago and the other is in high level of AD meds just took himself off them 2 weeks ago as he didn't like them affecting him anymore. (After 2 years!)

I'm a rabbit in headlights right now trying to work one step at a time ...
it's all in me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tiani4 · 04/07/2022 03:46

No legal aid no solicitor as unless we can track their Dad down we haven't been able to serve CM court papers on him and he's hidden where he lives

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Original poster
Tiani4 · 04/07/2022 03:51

I know there are steps and am working through them but I've no fight in me left.
Nothing I do is right anymore bc I fail every step. I can afford to buy a new 3 bed but I'm being shouted at bc of that. Eldest two want a bedroom each and are upset I'm even considering that. I'm just thinking roof over your head food bills...

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Original poster
Tiani4 · 04/07/2022 03:52

Not new I mean new to us

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Biscuitandacuppa · 04/07/2022 03:58

Are you able to remortgage onto a fixed rate and lengthen your mortgage to bring the payments down? I’m also a single parent and I’ve just changed mine into a 5 year fixed deal which is cheaper than I was paying previously.

My neighbour is unable to move at the moment (kids school) and has moved her bedroom to the living room to allow the kids a bedroom each, is that an option for you if you do have to move?

Original poster
Tiani4 · 04/07/2022 05:06

Yes I guess that's an idea Biscuits- buy smaller house- all rooms are bedrooms. Can't remortgage.

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Cocowatermelon · 04/07/2022 05:08

The kids are going to have to get summer jobs and probably an evening/weekend job in term time to help fund uni costs. Have they got anything lined up? Supermarket work? Bar work? Waitressing? Could do fruit picking over summer?

Original poster
Tiani4 · 04/07/2022 05:16

They've both had mental health crises (one an overdose) over past 2 years but both already work PT.
They are great but neither is feeling robust atm - silliness from their dad affecting them (broken promises stuff).
I'm feeling but better now it's light again. Going to go try to sleep a couple of hours now. Felt huge panic in middle of night. Thank you for listening xxx

OP posts:
oldtimeswhatnext · 04/07/2022 11:23

Can you extend your mortgage over a longer term to reduce payments?

Original poster
Tiani4 · 04/07/2022 19:10

I can't remortgage

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Original poster
Tiani4 · 05/07/2022 17:55

Btw feeling so much better now! Just needed to talk to my older teens and say "hey this is sooo stressful I don't have the money for what you want , we gotta compromise"

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Original poster
Tiani4 · 05/07/2022 17:56

They are aiming their frustration now at their (absent) dad and realising that I am doing my best In Difficult circa

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