suicidal thoughts, no one to talk to

[SBParker99]

i know it’s kind of pointless posting and i don’t know what i’m expecting to happen from this. i think i just need to let it out as i have no one in real life. my parents died when i was a kid, i was raised by a family member who made me life hell. i have no contact with any family. i had to move across the country which meant losing all my friends. I have a partner and a two year old. the relationship started of so perfect and over time was just a pile of abuse. i’m a constant mess of anxiety as he has a short temper, he always calls me horrible names and uses my past against me. yesterday he found out that i had lied to him (i know that’s my fault, i have some mental health issues i’m dealing with) he flipped and screamed at me for like two hours, told me i was never gonna see my two year old again i should kill my sled, no one cares about me or needs me and it broke me) and since then i’ve been a broken crying mess, i have no where to go, no one to talk to, he’s stronger than me and has a family how am i meant to get my little girl. i can’t live like this i can’t take it anymore i don’t wanna live without her and i know i can’t get her i don’t know what to do i can’t take it and all i can think is how much i just wish i could end everything

I’m so sorry to hear this OP, he’s absolutely being abusive and trying to scare & upset you. Would you consider calling womens aid? Talk here, or call the Samaritans, they care and will listen.

Please speak to a GP as soon as you can, in the meantime there is urgent help here
www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-urgent-mental-health-helpline
Or phone the. Samaritans if you just need to talk.
I know it seems a big mess but things will get better

Well done for writing down how you're feeling.

Please contact women's aid they can talk you through some options and give you some emotional support too.

What are you upto for the rest of the day? Please keep checking in here. Things will eventually get better. 💐💐

I’m in the exact same situation,
its shit!

i’m scared what him and his family will come out with i struggled really badly when pregnant and had crisis team etc and they’ve always used it against me, ive stood by him so much and always put my life on the line for him and this hurts so much, i know i’m not innocent but i’ve been telling him for so long i need help and instead i get screamed at for hours and made to feel like nothing, and told i don’t belong here. my poor little girl i just wanna give her a cuddle. i don’t even know what womens aid would do. i have to be careful because he checks my phone. i’m scared i don’t know what to do anymore

You poor darling. I know this feeling of desperation. I felt suicidal many years ago and posted on mumsnet too. It was so hard but I followed every possible avenue of support. Many of didn't result in much but a few things did stick.

Talk to everyone out there, GP, Samaritans, Womens Aid, Social Services, police if you need too.

Has he actually taken your child away from you? Or just threatening it?

You are important. Your little one needs you.I think you need to speak to women's aid and put together a plan for leaving.

Womens aid has a live chat function. On the side tab of every page is an instant 'exit site' tab that you can click it if you need to hide it instantly.
There is also information on their site about covering your tracks online while you seek support.

This man and his family are what is making you feel this horrific. It will be hard to see now but moving away from the situation will ease these feelings.

@Tomselleckhaskindeyes i have no way of leaving, no family, friends, no money or anywhere to go, could they still help? @Hillrunning did it get easier? there in the house but every time i go near her he screams at me and says don’t touch her get out and to save her being traumatised i leave i don’t know what to do but i feel like i’m at the end

Women's aid helped me

Yes, it took time and real effort but I can safely say I want to live now. I am glad I fought so hard. Small victories are what got me through. Each time I took a step towards making my life better I congratulated myself. Even if the thing didn't work out. The fact that I was trying got me through.

I can't advise on how to deal with the immediate danger you are in as I am not trained and fear giving bad advice but Womens Aid are trained. Perhaps, lock yourself in the bathroom and contract them through the chat function so you aren't over heard.

Samaritans freephone line is 116 123

Yes to women's aid.

What I would say to you is - please be aware that if your partner is abusive they will try to say you are mentally ill and therefore can't look after your child.

I don't wish to scare you, but I will say to you quite clearly it is the ABUSE that is making you ill and you need to be aware of that.

They are clearly now making threats to take your child away. It is an extremely difficult situation to be in but it really sounds like you need to leave with your child before things escalate further.

In this situation your mental health will deterorate. Not because you are mad, I might add, but as a result of the abuse.

Yes they can help.

Even without money they will help. Leaving with a child and only the clothes you stand up in is possible.

They will advise on safety planning.

Yes, it will get easier - please contact women's aid.

OP,

You deserve better, you are worthy of love and respect. You can build a better life for you and your daughter - it won't be easy but it can be done. Your little girl needs her Mummy.

Please find a way to contact women's aid safely. They will help you plan an exit route.

Sending you so so much love, OP.

I hope you are OK

I'm sure you wouldn't want to leave your child without a mother and with an abusive father so please seek help in real life and start planning an escape route from this abusive man. What about ringing local women's shelters to find out what your options are.

thanks everyone for your kind words it really helped i’ve contacted womens aid and done an econsult to my GP i’ve taken control and said if he tried to take her i’m going to the police and she’s been with me since last night. hopefully things will get better, it just seems very hard