My partner has depression and refuses help

[user07677]

My partner has depression and it's been struggling with it for I would say a good year but worse in the last 6 months, it has taken a massive toll on our relationship, his depression spirals down to his job and he really hates it and I've been trying for a good 5 months to get him to just leave and look for something else as he can't live like this anymore, he takes a lot of how he is feeling out on me and always comes out in anger and it's so frustrating because your trying so hard to get this person you love so much to make a conscious effort for a positive change in his life, he also refuses to go to the doctors which I think would be very very beneficial and I'm at a loss and don't know what to do anymore?

This may be a difficult message to read. There unfortunately isn't anything you can do. I was in the same position and trust me if there was a way to fix it, I would know about it. I tried and tried to support mine to make the positive changes including going to the GP, changing job, just doing something with his life. I ended up miserable and eventually had the realisation that I didn't want the rest of my life dragged down by being his carer when it wasn't even my responsibility to sort out. Ending the relationship was the hardest thing I have ever done but was also the best decision I've made for my own life.

@OldGreyAppleFence it's really hard because he's telling me daily how much he wants to end his life and how do you walk away when someone is feeling like that he has no other support from family all the pressure is on me to fix him but he won't do anything to change not even give the doctors a thought and it is so mentally draining and everything seems to be my fault even though all I want to do is help😕

He needs to leave his job and look for something else. I had to do this myself due to depression. He has to want to do it himself though. I kept putting it off and then just thought F it one day, I couldn't do it anymore. Tell him life is too short and his MH is priority over money.

Given that he actually tells you he wants to kill himself and doesn't seek help you suggest, it sounds somewhat abusive and controlling.
I'm sorry OP.

I was in a relationship like this and it crippled me.
I've also suffered from severe depression and had terrible suicidal thoughts. I did NOT tell my partner because I love him and I didn't want to hurt him or cause him worry.

It could be a cry for help sure but likewise he's pressing buttons and controlling your emotions.

I think I'd sit him down and calmly give him an ultimatum. You go to the Dr's and you engage with mental health services and look for another job or its over. I can't live like this, watching you suffer day after day and constantly walking on eggshells, being lashed out at. It isn't sustainable or fair on either of us to carry on as we are.

I have suffered with depression. I was so aware of how my behaviour was effecting my OH and I did anything to help myself and in turn help our relationship. I couldn’t have got through it without his support.
Your OH is being an arse and using depression as an excuse.

He is dragging you down and emotionally abusing you.
Leave.

Difficult one
If he will not do anything to help himself he will just make your life rubbish.
I would calmly explain that you cannot deal with it any longer.

OP that's blackmail. Its called "look what you made me do" www.aconsciousrethink.com/9824/emotional-blackmail/