Obsessively questioning big decisions - anxiety/stress?

[5star123]

Hi all,

I've noticed over the past few years that after making big decisions I obsessively question myself and my decisions and wonder if there was a 'better' option that I had missed - has anyone else experienced this? Does it sound like a form of anxiety/stress or just normal human behaviour?

A few examples - we bought a new house last year; it was a long and stressful process but after we moved I questioned if we made the right decision and kept finding faults with the house. To this day I still look on Rightmove to see if there is anything better out there. We also got married last year and, again, after choosing my wedding dress I spent hours looking photos of the dress I had chosen on different models and at other dresses because I worried I'd made the decision too quickly and there was something better out there. And then this year we have just had a beautiful baby boy and I'm obsessively questioning whether we gave him the right name and keep looking at baby name lists in case there is a 'more perfect' name for him that I had missed. Every time I say his name out loud I have a pang of regret that we should have taken more time to make such a big decision. I didn't have this feeling naming our daughter (who is 5) so it makes me think this has developed in the last couple of years.

Just typing this out and reading it back makes me think this isn't normal behaviour but would be interested to hear if anyone does the same?! Thanks!

I have a tendency towards behaviours that fall into the OCD category (I've never been diagnosed).

I obsess over decisions and spend an inordinate amount of time on them but I do tend to get on with it once that decision is made. However, I have obsessed over my daughter's name and never felt like I hit on the 'right' name for her. She's 5 now and I still don't feel like I got it right. I think it's just overthinking to be honest and it doesn't really matter as long as we haven't called them something terrible!

There are enough threads of 'name regret' on Mumsnet that I think this might be fairly common.

The question is whether your thoughts are taking over too much? If they are, it's definitely worth mentioning it to the GP. I always used to fear mention anything MH-related to a doctor incase it threw me onto a treadmill of medication but they're not so quick to do this nowadays - sometimes talking to a GP, Health Visitor or therapist is enough to help.

Thanks for your reply. The name thing is a funny one as I have read lots about 'name regret' online and it does seem to be very common. I just don't ever remember feeling like this after naming my daughter but maybe I did.

I think I need to talk to someone about it - I'd feel a bit silly talking to my GP about it as in my head it all sounds so superficial but my employer offers a service that I can get in contact with. Thanks again.

I have a tendency towards this too. I did exactly the same with my wedding dress, I remember spending every night googling different real weddings where the bride was wearing my dress! Also did this with recent renovations including the doors we choose for our kitchen. It's weird because I'm actually quite impulsive and make decisions very quickly but then obsess over whether they were the right one. Never really thought if it was a mental health concern, just thought it was the way I am!

@fireandpaint I could have written your post myself! I spent hours trying to find photos and videos of my wedding dress on Google!

I’ve never thought anything of it until the naming of my son and a lot of people say ‘name regret’ can be a symptom of PND/anxiety.

Sailing in the same boat ladies!! It's so consuming. It is definitely a symptom of PPA. Sometime I have a glimmer of positivity for my chosen names, and the next moment I doubt if they will suit my baby or if I taking the right decision. I also didn't face any such name related anxities after my first delivery. I hope to meet you all at the other side of this foggy tunnel.

Yes, we are trying to buy a car and I'm close to giving up simply because I can't bear the fact that I might make the wrong choice, and this is before the fact! It is definitely GAD for me, fear of uncertainty and a need to feel safe and secure. So, I don't think it's normal but you're definitely not alone! Can you try and think about what you're feeling when this behaviour happens, and what feelings you are trying to avoid? Might be a start.

@Sundaisy sorry to hear you are feeling like this. It’s such a consuming feeling and your mind tricks you into thinking the most stupid things. It’s very unfair.

My OP was last summer and since then I have sought help and been having CBT sessions. It’s definitely helped me understand my thought process and has given me the tools to reframe my thinking.

Sending love 💐

@5star123 Thanks for holding my hand! I was on sertraline 50 mg for around 2 months. I am weaned off the medicine now. I have to finalize the name now but I can't stick to any one name? What should I do?

@Sundaisy my only advice is that the ‘perfect’ baby name doesn’t exist. And that whatever you call your baby will be right as it will be their name which they will grow into.

Have you tried using the names out loud for the day/week? Or using them on strangers you meet in the supermarket etc to see which one sounds most natural?

@5star123 Did you go with the original name of you DS or changed it after your CBT sessions?

@Sundaisy no we kept his original name. Tbh changing it was never really an option but my CBT therapist helped me see that it was never really about the name. It was my anxiety choosing that to ruminate on. If it wasn’t the name it would have been something else!

@5star123 My anxiety levels keep on wavering everyday. Sometimes I have a sunshine day and the very next day coluld me cloudy when I keep on ruminating about the name. Please help me come out of this vicious circle. I am tired. Sorry for sounding so desperate.