Full assessment?

[knackeredagain]

There’s something going on with my son. He’s always been very bad at regulating his emotions. He never really grew out of the terrible twos.
Was assessed for ADHD and ASD as a child but neither was conclusive - both were ‘borderline’.

He can be explosive, has regular meltdowns, run-ins with the police - vulnerability, he’s never been charged with an offence. He’s not violent to other people but will hit walls and hurt himself/damage property etc.

He wonders if it is actually ADHD and it got missed as a kid. I’ve queried ODD, BPD, EUPD, you name it. I’m not an expert - I just don’t know what fits.

Is there a way he can undergo a full screening to try to get to the bottom of what is going on with him and find appropriate treatment? It’s very difficult for us all at home, not least him.

You don't mention his age? Who else is involved i.e school/ college, social care, youth offending? What are they doing and what do they think is going on for him?

He’s 20. Hasn’t been in education since 17 and luckily never had a criminal record so no involvement from YOT/probation. I know they do good work but I don’t want him to have to get a record to get help.
He had some input from the substance misuse services last year but did not engage well. This is a big issue which clouds the others, but his problems have been there since childhood. The drugs came later.
I’ve wondered if I could self refer to adult social care, but I don’t know on what grounds or what they can do. We can’t go on like this but I can’t kick him out as he couldn’t survive on his own.
As it stands it’s just me and his younger brother trying to deal with it all on our own. Last night was awful 😞

Only if he wants to engage. Will he go and talk to the gp about his difficulties. He can be referred to the adult adhd service for assessment. Although how long that would take is unknown.

Social services will possible offer some advice but again he has to want to engage

He has been referred for an ADHD assessment but he doesn’t know how long that will take. My question is will they screen for other things - personality disorders etc.
He goes to the GP but doesn’t remember what they tell him or ask the right questions and he won’t let me go with him.

Has he been referred to the local mental health team. They will look at those aspects with him.

They just keep referring him to Minds Matter and he doesn’t want counselling. He wants an assessment and potentially medication which I think he needs, but I also worry about. And of course it is all clouded by the drugs.
Could I contact his GP and ask them? Navigating the system is hard enough for anyone, let alone a barely adult with a highly chaotic lifestyle.

Just a word of warning they likely won't assess him whilst he's using drugs. Common street drugs can mask/imitate symptoms - even if they were there before he started using - they might point blank refuse to assess - if you can get to that point.

This is what I fear @PieonaBarm (ace username btw). The drugs definitely make him worse. It’s a nightmare for me and his younger brother. He self medicates but the after effects are hideous. I’m genuinely frightened of what will happen if he doesn’t get treatment.
It has to start with the drugs services doesn’t it? And he won’t engage with them. We’re at an impasse.

You can contact his GP and raise your concerns but they can’t tell you anything.

Mental health services wont even entertain talking to him whilst he has substance abuse issues.

Probably better to get him into drug rehab first.

This is what I feared. He will point blank refuse rehab. He was under community rehab with the young people’s services at one stage but fell out with his keyworker and refused to engage anymore.

There was talk of inpatient but he was terrified because he’d never left home before so I agreed to do it at home. It was the worst time of my life but he did get off that particular poison. Trouble is he just moves onto the next one. I’m so scared of where this will end.

I’ve come home from work tonight and he’s ransacked my bedroom looking for a bottle of rum I confiscated last night because he was so aggressive I couldn’t let him sit and drink it on his own.

If he refuses any help could social services help me and his brother?

I feel awful even posting here, even though I’ve NCd.

Again not sure the age of your youngest son but if he is 16 or under then yes children's social care would be appropriate, as it seems he is at risk of harm/ being exposed to his brothers behaviour and aggression at home. You can self refer to your local children's social care team.

Sorry to hear you are in a really difficult position. Can you access support from your local substance misuse service for yourself? They usually offer parent/ carer/ family support. They might be able to advise how to go about getting your eldest to seek support.

it sounds like he needs to engage with the MH team/substance abuse people. If he doesn’t unfortunately that would be his choice.
when you say he is “vulnerable” what do you mean by that?

My youngest is 16 so CSC is a possibility. They wouldn’t want to remove him though would they? Sorry, I meant vulnerable as in ND and MH. His dealings with the police have been for issues of vulnerability like running away as a teen, rather than criminality.

He’s been so explosive this evening and then has come and lay on my bed for a cuddle and a cry. It’s heartbreaking.

does he actually want support, and if so, what support does he want? Help with addictions? Help with housing/practical matters? Or just a diagnosis and medication?

He can refer himself to adult social care if he needs and wants practical support, doesn’t have to wait for a diagnosis. He is likely to have to pay towards his support.

If you refer to childrens services they will be looking to protect your youngest without consideration to the eldest. They will not be interested in your eldest and will not offer any support that does not involve safeguarding/supporting your 16 year old. I’d anticipate they may suggest eldest moves out if there are addiction and other issues affecting the youngest.

it’s hard, but he’s an adult and he’s got to want to change. The only way his situation is going to improve is if he engages with substance misuse services. No-one can wave a magic wand for him, he’s going to have to do this himself. It must be heartbreaking as a mother x

I know someone who was in the same situation and one night it got really bad

Her neighbour phoned Hykeham police who came with the mental health crisis team

This was years ago and the young lady now is a functional adult, with a job, husband and family

The lady I know was mortified someone called the police but actually it got the ball rolling

Think about yourself and the impact on you and your other son