An OCD thread

[Wouldloveanother]

I’m on a very long journey ‘managing’ (I won’t say recovering as that seems like a pipe dream) OCD. mainly intrusive thoughts and obsessions around accidentally harming others. I’ve had a really bad day with it, I wondered if anyone else wants to chat?

Hey. I would love to chat. I have suffered with OCD for years. I've just had a diazepam for bed as I'm having a bad time atm. I will catch up with you tomorrow. X

Hi OP
Bit of background. I'm 43 married with 2 teenagers. I've had OCD as long as I can remember.
When I was a child it was things like feeding my pet rabbit going inside then doubting I'd done it so going back to check . Pinching myself to make sure I remembered.
Got to 18 and started driving. OCD turned its attention to that. If I passed a pedestrian or cyclist I would worry I had got them and would go back to check. Then on the way back something else would worry me and I'd need to check that. You know how sometimes you drive on automatic pilot if it's a regular route, well if I do that and can't specifically remember the journey I worry I've run someone over so will go over the journey in my head. Sometimes a ten minute journey will take 45 minutes going back and forth.
I've worried about if I've passed vulnerable people such as the elderly or babies in the supermarket or park or wherever that 'what if' I hit them or punched them and they are injured.
I have intrusive thoughts on and off about 'what if' I've cheated on my husband. These really affect me because I love my husband more than anything.
All of these things I have no recollection or memory of but the anxiety gets so high and I think 'what if' this or that happened and I cant remember.
There is no logical reason why I shouldn't remember. I'm not a big drinker, never have done drugs or anything like that.
There are various other themes over the years but ultimately they are all 'what if' this happened and i cant remember it.
I'm then flooded with anxiety, guilt etc.
I'm on medication but not sure how well that is working. I had therapy 6 years ago which did help but I've asked for booster sessions but they wont let me have them.
It's not constant. I have periods of time when I'm relatively normal but the episodes when they come really floor me.
The episodes are more frequent of late but not sure if my age/hormones have anything to do with that - blood tests next week.
I think more people than you expect suffer intrusive thoughts but just dont open up about them, especially the more taboo ones.
Hope your having a better day. X

Hi Dogs!
Well your post was like looking in a mirror. I have almost exactly the same obsessions. I really feel for you as I know how thoroughly exhausting it is, as well as stomach churningly frightening. the number of evenings I have gone to bed feeling sick convinced I have done something and it won’t be long before the police are at my door and I lose everything.
do you mind if I ask which meds you are on? I was on 200mg sertraline and occasionally diazepam; now it’s just 50mg sertraline (ttc) and trying to ‘manage’ my thoughts. Do you find they always get worse at times of stress?
I also find they get worse conversely when everything is going really well, it’s like the thoughts won’t ever let me rest or be truly happy. For example a lovely day out then I’ll be convinced I said something racist to somebody walking past, and my day is ruined, wracked with guilt and feeling sick with anxiety.
i know exactly what you mean about not trusting your autopilot. If I can’t remember doing something - eg plating up dinner - I’ll have DH check the food ‘just in case’ I put something in it.
its the worst xxx

Hey.
I'm on 200mg sertraline and 25mg quetiapine. Diazepam when it's bad like atm.
Do you mind if I ask your age?

I’m 31
how has your day been? I hope you’ve had a ‘better’ day xx

Hi
Unfortunately it hasnt been the best.
My episodes seem to be a bit more frequent lately which is why I wondered about your age.
Being in my mid forties I've been wondering about hormones playing a part.
How are you doing today?

I've been getting worse recently, everything seems to take me forever with the constant checking! My oldest has finished nursery and for some reason it's sent me into a spin.

i think the triggers for me are:

1. Stress - not even big stresses but it seems to get worse even around teatime as I’m trying to dish up, the dogs under my feet, DD is squawking and refusing to wash her hands etc


2. the weather! I feel so much worse when it’s grey and ‘close’ like it is today


3. when DD is poorly - I have pretty bad health anxiety about her after 2 years of constant bugs from nursery


4. night time - always worse at nights or as night approaches

today’s been a mixed bag. It started well but I had a bit of a moment when the dog jumped up at me when I was doing an injection. I’ve somehow managed to convince myself the needle caught the dog (it didn’t) and by then using it I’ve made myself ill. Daughter came home from nursery with a very sore bum from not being changed, she’s been walking ‘oddly’ most likely because of that but my anxiety is telling me it’s something serious 🥴
just writing it down helps as I can see how ridiculous it looks. I often call my obsessions ‘Freddy Krueger’ because when I confront them head on, and stop trying to appease them, they go. But it’s so hard! I guess the overall theme is that I always feel that what I love will be taken from me, and I’m always one small step away from looming disaster.
do you have a hunch what caused your OCD can I ask?

Hi AU 😊
Do you have any particular obsessions?

Hi, sorry for gatecrashing this chat. I'm relatively new to OCD, (by that I mean this year) all my quirks have been recognised as OCD. Checking the cats litter tray, just incase something is wrong. The driving!!! I did not realise this was a thing and didn't say to anyone because I felt so ashamed and what if I had hurt someone then I would be in big trouble! My obsessions can change and once it is in, i really can't get it out. Its like the older I get the more obsessions I collect.

I'm quite overwhelmed with OCD diagnosis because it has genuinely held me back (on reflection), changed my career, seek reassurance from husband-constantly and many more!

Clarification... only this year the Gp has recognised all my quirks as OCD. I've had anxiety for as long as I can remember! Every few years I have a big anxiety obsession which send me to GP.

Welcome Schnoodle! I guess it’s good you’ve got a diagnosis, although obviously it’s not a great club to be part of! I was the same - ‘odd’ things I did, thinking it was just me and feeling really embarrassed. Have you started any treatment?

Ah thank you! :)

No treatment as such, about to embark on another round of CBT (first since OCD diagnosis). As for medication, GP has decided not too at present because we are trying for a baby.

Any recommendations for what works with you guys? I find when I'm well I "get on my own nerves" but when things start slipping, no blooming insight exists whatsoever!

Yes! I check everything 🙂 windows, doors, stair gates, smoke alarms....you name it. If it's safety in my head then it's checked and I also have number compulsions too so I check a certain number of times. So glad to be with other people who understand.

Hi everyone,
How are you all today?
I've had a better day today although still not great.
Even after having OCD for all this time the thing that baffles me the most is how you KNOW deep down and in your logical mind that your worries are irrational but there is always the 'what if' .

Hi everyone on this thread. How are things going for you atm?

Bump?