Sahm: How to overcome career insecurity and feel greatful for what I have

[Catonthefence]

Hello all,

I am a ( almost)sahm.

I am generally ok with my life. I do remind myself that there are people who could happily exchange my life with them. I am good when I am alone and I have few friends who think as me and enjoy convos with them. I accept and own the fact that I am here beacause of my own decissions and I am generally not unhappy.

However, I have 3 cousin sisters who seem to disrespect me as I have no hiflying job eventhou I used to be a top student in childhood. They constantly ask me if I am planning to do anything at all. I tell them that I am ok and olan something when I feel I need a change but they then go on and ask 'what if your husband dies? or you want a divorce?'... I actually have no answer to that nor want to take that convo further( but I know I have saved what I can).

I do respect them for their ambitious nature and they have done extremely well in careers ( 1 a software CIO, 1 a nhs doctor who got many accolades and 1 she is literally a rocket scientist in a national space agency ( not in the UK)). I wish only more sucess and good things for them.
They have 100s of social friends who admire them and even pray them like demi-Gods as they are inspirational personalities. I am genuinely happy for them.

However, they seem to only value someone on what they acheive and their heavy ambitions. They have no respect for minimum wage workers or people who do jobs which are not much intellectually stimulating. Sahm are the last in their list obviously.

The thing is I am not as unhappy or suffering as they seem to see me. I am not that pathetic as they tell me I am and I dont want to be.
Yes I am at level 0 and they are at level 100 in careers but I see it as a fact and I am not crumbling. I waste a lot of time pondering if I am actually worthless after I speak to them, then I realise that I am in ok place, and its not a bad place to be in. Its getting mentally taxing everytime.

I do a parttime wfh job which pays me £500/month. I am not ambitious as much but I will take the next step when I feel I have to.

Please can anyone help me deal with the negative feeling they bring into me. I dont want to feel bad everytime I talk to them. I am keeping the contact minimum but cant cut off due to other family realtions.
Please help, spiritual advice is also welcome :)

Hello! I am in a similar situation. I have been a sahm for over 6 years now and like you I was a top student at both school and uni. However, my husband and me decided that it is best for our family. We do not say it was the right decision but it was decision we have made at that time for our family. I am also not unhappy but I wouldn't say I am 100% happy which is actually not really connected to being a sahm.

I want to ask whether your cousins actually have children? You mention their great careers but don't say anything whether they have children and if they do, who looks after the children when they work?

I think you need to be proud about being a sahm! You can be ambitious in lots of different ways- being ambitious in raising your family is also totally great. Also, the fact that you have a part time job is also fantastic and you manage to make a nice sum of money from home!

I guess the only way forward is strengthening your self esteem re being a sahm. If you question yourself, your cousins will feel the opportunity to irritate you and seeing that they do not really respect your choices, they will take that opportunity!

Good luck!

I am sorry you are in a similar predicament. Thankyou for the tips :).
They do have kids, 1 kid each. All of them are in thier teens. Grandparents have helped the couples more than daycare did. So the kids grew up with grandparents help.

To Mumsnet admin,

I have realised that this space is for the people who are clinically suffereing from mental health issues. I do not want to dilute it.
My thread is more of a mental stress issue induced by society in general. Please can you move this thread to appropriate space (may be 'AIBU'?)

Thanyou
catonthefence