I'm depressed and mother-in-law amkes me feel worse. Help?

[siberry]

Hi, I'm new here. I am nearly 4 months pregnant and really happy and really sad at the same time. My partner says it's my hormones but actually it's his freaking mother! She thinks that every pregnancy is the same (and it's not). She thinks I shouldn't have morning sickness like I do, (to the point where I cannot even get out of bed). I am low on money as I do not work, (I am in college and my partner has serious back problems, may need surgery), and she is always telling me I look a mess! I can't help it when I am so low because of my sickness, that I don't want to put make up on, that I don't want to dress up. Non of my clothes fit anyway. She is always asking me why I am sick all the time. IT IS CALLED MORNING SICKNESS!!
She just does not know what I am going through. Yes I have tried to tell her, but what I say does not count. She thinks she knows best. This isn't even the half of it. And worst of all she lives next door to me. I need help, plus someone to talk too.

P.S. That is suppose to say 'makes'. Typo.

don't open the door to her, don't answer the phone, and make plans to move away.
x

can you talk to your partner? And if you do, will he listen, take it on board and talk to her?

sympathy on the morning sickness.. it can be horrific I know

and on the know-it-all mother in law -- she's not the first and she won't be the last!

try to stay as positive as possible.. do you need suggestions of morning sickness remedies?

do what oranges says

To justabouttosplashoutinthesales, I know. That is what I am dreading! She has done wonderful things for the baby so far and she is excited because she doesn't see her other grandchildren very much. When I don't do as she pleases, she becomes a moody 12 year old!

To Squonk, I do tell my partner. He goes mad as well, because it really does hurt me. I end up crying myself to sleep. But because she knows best, it goes in one ear and out the other.

To blisteringbarnacles, I have never ever known anyone as bad as me. It is horrific and some remedies would be lovely. I know the eating ice one, a midwife told me that.

To oranges, I would love to move but my partner won't. And I don't want to take the baby away from him. I don't open the door, she just walks in. I have nearly put my name down for a house, I was so close whne she moaned about my partner. It may be here son but at the end of the day, the baby can hear what she is saying and that is the baby's father she is talking about!

take lots of vitamins, it helps when you are depressed during the pregnancy beleive me i know.
stay as far away from mil as possible and try to communicate with her as little as possible, that really is one of the best ways to avoid the feelings she arouses. tell her you are busy and cant answer, have plans and cant come over, etc etc
try to make best efforts to look great when shes around, it will make you feel better and will annoy her.
if she asks, say your feeling fine. that is to minimize her having room to respond to you.
and sleep a lot and drink lots of water which helps to

i missed the part where you say she lived next door, yikes. still, try to do everything you can to avoid seeing her, and make every effort to look well this will improve your mood as well.

don't you have a lock on the door? Walking in is way too intrusive. Be a bit of a cow yourself and get her so annoyed with you that she will maintain a distance.

change the locks, don't answer the door - try and ignore her as much as possible and maybe she'll get the hint ! LOL

no really....i mean she sounds like a nightmare and she'll definately be worse once the baby comes - giving you lots of 'advice' basically telling you to do it the way she did it and the way she thinks is right 'no, why are you holding the baby like that, hold it like this' 'why aren't you breast/bottle feeding - you should be!' 'don't buy that brand of nappies' 'oh why is the baby wearing THAT ? what about that nice pair of flourescent pink baby jeans i got for it?! lets put those on instead'

etc etc etc.

you really need to tell her how you feel - tell her that every pregnancy is different and some women have morning sickness worse than others and there's nothing you can do about it and if she doesn't like it then tell her you will move away from her (even if you know your partner will never go for it, just bluff) then she'll get scared thinking that you might have more influence over her son than she does (even if you don't) and she might back off.

tell her in no uncertain terms that it's your body, your pregnancy and your baby - not hers.

hope things get better - let us know! xxxxxx

Thank you everyone. Well about the breastfeeding bit, she won't be happy because I am bottle feeding. So that will put her nose out of place.
She lives next door but there is a conservatory at the back which you can walk through. It's very complicated. I don't like the living arrangements. You wont believe what she is doing now, walking about her house slamming doors because I won't cut my partners hair! It's like living with a child already. When I have had the baby, I am moving because our flat is too small. I haven't said anything to anyone yet but it is defiantly happening!
Soon, I am going to see a special midwife and she will be able to get me council ling and hopefully with her help, I can get a place too. But what makes it worse is I have no one to talk too. I have just moved down to Cornwall, (well nearly a year) and I do find it hard to make friends. With everything that has happened over the last few years, I have lost my self esteem. I do go to college and there are people I talk to but they're not my friends. It just makes it that much harder.

well done siberry for making the decision to move ! very good idea - i'll say it again, she sounds like a nightmare ! lol.

maybe going to a pre-natal class/ pregnancy yoga class or something like that would help you to make some friends and you can moan all you like to them cos they might be in the same situation as you!

good luck! xxxx