I am so so down right now despite the ADs

[sweetkitty]

I’m in just such a rut, I’m angry and horrible to my lovely family. I don’t want to do anything I wake up every morning and hate everything. I used to love my job now I hate it. So my contract is 3 days a week but since I started I’ve done 3 days contract and the other 2 days temp which is fine. Recently 2 FT posts came up so I went for one, had the interview and didn’t get the job. They said it was based solely on the 20 min interview which I was pretty rubbish at, they knew I did all the stuff they were asking I just didn’t tell them. I’m bloody good at my job I give it my all too.

DD1 suffers very badly from anxiety and the night before the interview she had a big crisis and I was with her most of the night not that I’m using that as an excuse at all but I was sleep deprived and stressed. I worry so much about her to the extent I think one morning I think I’m going to find her dead in her bed.

My health isn’t great either I have fibromyalgia so am in constant pain which I take meds for, I have to rest a lot and sleep more than most people. I also am on 40mg of citalopram but doesn’t seem to help anymore as I am so low. Going on holiday next week and I honestly couldn’t care less, I don’t want to go.

What help are you getting? ADs can be very useful but it sounds to me like you need more than medication, some support such as 1:1 or group therapy, plus something nice for yourself whether it’s regular yoga class or time at the pool or meeting a good friend.

Once you get support, you will be able to ease some of your daughter’s anxiety too. But right now you have too much to cope with.

How long have you been on your ADs? Have you ever seen a psychiatrist? It might be that you need a medication review.

There is something called Zones of Regulation which a lot of people find helpful. Might be worth looking in to?

Sorry that you missed out on the job, and it’s completely fine to feel pissed off about it.

You sound very competent managing your family and work. I’m sure it doesn’t feel like it right now but try to focus on what you are succeeding at and get some help with the difficult stuff. Life is not meant to be this unhappy.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, half the time I feel useless at my job and useless at being a mum (I have 4 DC all teenagers). I’ve had counselling in the past several times which identified low self-esteem, narc mother, emotional & physiological abuse this has lead to my anxiety & depression which has made me feel very guilty I passed it on to DD1.

I cannot even get an appointment with a GP here, I would have to go private for everything. For the past few years all it’s been is repeat prescriptions and go away.

I wrote a thread about friends the other day in a nutshell used to have a large group, some moved away leaving a core group saw each other all the time, then 3 got into a business venture together that took over their lives, days/nights out became like team meetings and we drifted apart. I felt like I was making all the effort, they know what’s going on right now but not one has reached out, I don’t mean flowers or anything but the odd “how are you?” Text would be nice.

I used to do yoga but all I do now is work and sleep, totally disinterested with life, go on holiday next week can’t be bothered with it would rather stay at home. I’m always tired.