So this may be a slightly long post but I wanted to write it to hopefully help someone who, like me, is up all hours of the night googling how to overcome dental anxiety.
Bit of back story:
I had a horrible experience with a dentist when I was a child. He "slipped" with the local anaesthetic needle (back when they were MASSIVE). Mum tried comforting me and he very abruptly sent her out the room. HE WAS HORRIBLE.
Following that, I refused all local anaesthetic injections for dental treatment and I'm sure you can imagine, I then developed a further fear because, well, ouch.
This fear soon turned into a phobia and I became one of those people who would only see the dentist in cases of emergency and even then I had a terrible habit of either having a panic attack or, one particularly embarrassing time, throwing up and fainting.
My dental health wasn't okay, I went through a significant period of anxiety/depression which hit my dental hygiene hard and suffered with an eating disorder because I was so frightened to eat something incase it made me feel sick. Brushing my teeth also gave me the same fear plus the fear of blood in my mouth. So I became terrified of brushing my teeth incase my gums bled or I felt sick or.. well, I wasn't in a good place.
I eventually got this under control, my mental health was back to being brilliant and I improved my daily dental hygiene. However, as we know.. damage is done and all that.
I plucked up the courage to see a dentist a few years back who reprimanded me for it all and made me feel so small and embarrassed that I just didn't want to go back. Ever.
So two years ago, I started getting horrific pain when I ate anything. It referred all down my face and into my jaw. I was, by this point, so unbelievably phobic of the dentist that I just lived with it. Ate soft things and took pain relief before I ate.
Then I became pregnant and once my daughter was born I started only eating when she was asleep etc so that when the pain hit, I could curl up and not have to parent! It got to the point where, as an anaesthetic practitioner, I couldn't even cover a lunch break on a maxfax or dental list because the anxiety would break me.
One night I realised that all I was doing was setting my daughter up for a phobia just like me. I will not have her feeling this way and I can't just fob her off on someone else for all her dental appts because I couldn't walk through the front door!
So I decided it was time. I got a healthy dose of diazepam from the dentist (and by healthy I mean I took a lot before the appt...!!!) And went to the first patient check up where they literally just talk to you.
I had the most wonderful dentist who let me cry in the corner and didn't make me sit in the dreaded chair.
I needed two fillings to start with and they were booked in.
D-day arrived on Tuesday and I dosed up again and arrived at the appointment.
Well. Oh. My. God. Dentistry is NOT what it used to be!!! Not only was she absolutely wonderful to me, I didn't feel a thing. She numbed my gum with some paste before the injection so I didn't even feel that.
She did the filling and apart from some lingering panic at the sound of the instruments, I felt absolutely fine. I know the meds likely helped with this but I'd taken the same dose just for a chat and had still be a wreck!
I'd have considered myself someone totally unable to go through with a procedure like that unless under a general anaesthetic on Tuesday morning. By Wednesday morning I had decided to do the next one without any diazepam at all!
I felt safe, cared for and most of all, felt nothing. I'll be taking headphones to drown out the noise but other than that feel totally confident that this is okay.
Both myself and my daughter have a regular check up in November (her first as she will be 1) and I have absolutely no fear on this.
If I'd read this post myself, I'd have thought "yeah but no chance that'll be how I feel" but I just wanted something out there to say that it is SO different now.
So, anyone in that position, feeling ashamed and terrified and in pain... find a sympathetic dentist (mine had to be very very nice to me before I'd let her within a foot distance and she was happy to work with me to achieve even that!) And I promise you, it will not be as god awful as you expect.
I feel proud and actually a bit elated at how okay this all is now.
You've got this. If you're searching this at 3am because you've got to visit the dentist as an emergency or if you're reading this with a desire to get back on track.. you can do this, it isn't how it used to be. One step at a time.