Mental health worker comments.

[PointlessNow]

My son struggles with his emotions & has a lot of violence towards myself & it gets me down. He follows me around the house kicking me from behind/grabbing my leg/biting any part of me that he can get at/nipping/slapping etc.
(I am recieving support from his school, HV, Lighthouse & we have a CAFF open)

Anyway, I'm struggling with my MH for lots of reasons, debt, family illness, as well as my son's behaviour.

I spoke to the MH worker at the GP a few weeks ago & he was helpful, told me to look into family therapy which I have been pushing for for a long time but saying 'The GP MH worker thinks we need it' seems to of finally got the ball rolling.

We did that test with the 'How are you feeling/how often do you feel this way' questions last time & most of my answers were basically 'I feel really awful most of the time. It would be better for everybody if I wasn't here'.

So we did these questions again when he phoned today & he asked for specific reasons why it would be better if I weren't here. I told him that 'I add nothing to the world, my kids could just as well be bought up by a stranger & they'd do a better job. I don't work, I bring no value to the world, I have no friends to bring joy to, I don't do any hobbies outside the home that could bring people joy, I'm obviously failing my son. I just bring nothing to the world. I just exist to mess up'.

(I'm not looking for sympathy this is just how I feel)

He said that my son's behaviour is all my fault because I don't value myself so why should he. He said until I value myself then his behaviour will continue.

I was upset by this but held it together on the phone. He basically told me that my son is how he is because of my MH, right? Or am I viewing this wrong? Have I mis-understood?

Obviously I know the thing of if you don't value yourself then a partner never would, but does it apply to children too?

So, would I be right in thinking that he agrees I bring nothing & shouldn't bother being here anymore?

(Sorry if this is triggering to anybody & I don't have any plans to kill myself I'm just trying to wrap my head around what he said)

I spend a lot of my time teaching my children that we respect others, no matter what they look like, what job they do etc & also that no means no, & that I am a person too & that if I need 5 minutes to myself then that's okay... But is this all pointless talk & things are never going to get better then? (Is that what he meant?)

I hope people can make some sense of that & thank you for reading.

OP he was an utter cunt, and completely wrong.

Sorry that was really long!

Really, MolliciousIntent, you think he's wrong?

I really wanted to say to him 'Why didn't you say that to me last time then? What's the point of family therapy then? We know the reason, it's all coz of me'... But I didn't want to be seen to be arguing with him!

Sorry, to expand - your mental health is not causing your son to be violent to you, and the world absolutely would not be a better place without you. How old is your son?

If I were you, I'd register a complaint against this dickhead.

He's a cunt.

My love I think he is completely and utterly wrong, and also unfit to practice. Please ignore every word he said, and make sure whoever referred you to him knows what he told you.

I keep swinging between complaining & 'Well, he's right. Why are you upset? You know he's right'.

He closed my case & said 'Too many cooks spoil the broth'. I sat there not saying much, wiping my tears away, then I've been swinging between those 2 thoughts ever since.

Echoing he is a cunt here what the actual fuck is he on?

My son bites and head butt's its not my fault I can redirect him but not always sometimes shit happens and I get bitten

Your not alone

That MH worker is in the wrong job entirely and doesn't know his arse from his elbow.
You are a woman, doing a tremendous job, in difficult circumstances and you're finding it hard at the moment. BUT - please know, this is an illness and you are at the worst part of that illness. You have had illnesses before (flu, chicken pox, covid etc) and you have recovered from each illness. You can and will, get through this illness to where you feel better/brighter.
Also, I think you're a superhero. You have a child. You have kept that child alive for some time now. That my dear, is bloody amazing. X

I don’t often chime in on these threads but I’d agree you’re in formal complaint territory.

I’m no expert but, as mum to a DC who is prone to lashing out, it sounds to me as though your DC has some additional needs which aren’t being met (and I don’t necessarily mean by you - I would be looking closely at school). I’m not saying your MH and your son’s well-being have no connection, but to say it’s your fault he is the way he is - that’s just plain wrong.

Did he have any suggestions for how you
might work on valuing yourself?!

To expand, he's a cunt because

a) he's wrong. The secret feelings that you only admit to a health professional and only when asked are not magically causing all the problems and

b) even if somehow he was right (which he isn't), telling you that would not be the way to help you improve things.

So he's not just a cunt, he's an incompetent cunt.

OMG. He closed your case and said “Too many cooks spoil the broth”? Complain. Today. He is utterly unfit to be near anyone having a bad day, never mind with MH issues.

And you’re doing a great job, by the way. You’re trying to get help for you and your son.

Thanks ClumpingBambools & MolliciousIntent. I feel like, any other time, I would be laughing at you calling him that, but I'm stuck on the 'But, what if he's right' thoughts.

Thank you for talking to me
My son is 9. I've been reviewing support with his behaviour on & off since he was 3. Younger son is 5.

He's also an incompetent cunt because of the "too many cooks spoil the broth" comment. He's obviously not good enough at his job to have mastered multidisciplinary team working, which is best practice with things like this where there are multiple connected individuals with multiple needs.

God, he sounds useless. I'm sorry he's been so cruel to you. It's not your fault, you were landed with a crap worker.

He's not right. I would bet my life on that. He's wrong, and incompetent. Your son most likely has some form of additional needs that explain his behaviour, and it will be nothing to do with your mental health.

Please, please complain. This awful man is out there telling damaging lies to vulnerable women, and they might not be strong enough to post on Mumsnet so I can tell them he's a cunt.

Thank you all, I was expecting to be ignored on here!

Yes, he said that & closed the case. I also thought 'But you knew the other people were involved the last time we spoke'.

I told him that it can be something as simple as burning the tea & I'll think 'You are useless, any other mum wouldn't of done that'. (Even though I know that's stupid. People burn food all the time. I know that, but those are still my thoughts)
& He said I need to think kinder things about myself or why would my son think kindly of me?

MyCatIsInCharge Sorry you are having a hard time too.his behaviour is perfect at school. Always has been. Although he's often a struggle to get in to school, but once he's there, he's perfect.

I love that. I love that he has a place where he's so happy, as he sure as hell isn't happy with me

School have recently suggested additional needs & 'masking', but this has been shot down by the HV as 'He is fine at school'.

Thank you. He seemed completely different this time. Last phonecall he seemed kind, this time I just felt like a nuisance. He just remembered to check before he hung up that I didn't have any immediate plans to die.

Checklist done I guess.

ManxDi That was a really kind post, thank you for saying that

I looked up the complaints procedure & I have to write to the practice manager.

What is Lighthouse? Do you mean Lighthouse the church?

Hi Notanotherwindow. No, it's women's aid. Parenting courses etc.