Triggering things my son keeps saying

[Bunnyof3]

TW: sexual assault
Bit of a back story, I was sexually abused by my two older brothers growing up, from around age 3-14.
I have 3 children, 9,4 & 3months, two boys and the youngest is a girl, which is the same dynamic as I had growing up, but different age gaps.

My eldest has adhd and can be told a thousand times to or not to do something and it doesn’t go in.
Recently he keeps saying that he wishes he can marry sibling because he loves his sister so much, and says things like you’re the most beautiful girl ever and I want to marry you. I have explained to him countless times that you cannot marry family, and he says he wishes he could change it because he wants to
marry her.
He hovers around at bath time and for nappy changes, my mum used to blame the abuse on the fact that my body was different to theirs and they were exploring, so when he sees her naked I get so defensive. I have told him so many times to move away when I’m changing her nappy or when she’s in the bath and he does but will almost immediately come back to watch.
Now I know it’s entirely innocent because he loves his sister however I find it so triggering because of how I was treated by my older brothers.
I just don’t know how to handle this situation does anyone have any advice?

Oh my goodness, I am so sorry for what you went through as a child. I am sorry you weren't protected.
What your children are doing is not the same. In order to allow them to have healthy curiosity it is very important to be able to hold that in mind. My son went through a stage of wanting to marry me, it was really cute and I told him I wish I could but I can't. I completely understand how all this could be really triggering for you and I think you could all benefit if you had therapy and a space to take what this is bringing up for you. Take care and good luck. Parenting brings up all our own childhood stuff, I am fairly sure of it!