Feel like I'm slipping back into my eating disorder

[workinprogressju]

I had an eating disorder on and off pretty much since I was just 11 or 12 years old (now late 30's), i did a lot to get to the stage where i am now and had great support but i feel recently that i am slipping back to old ways again. I'm the healthiest i have been for the first time in my life, but I just don't like myself.

Maybe it's my low self esteem talking but I found when I was a lower weight people treated me better, I've had men be openly hostile to me and bang doors in my face, the very same jerks that would catcall me up to a while ago. Male validation means nothing to me anyway because I'm bisexual but much prefer women but the sheer awfulness of some of the things that have been said to me have been awful. I just feel incredibly low and vulnerable right now. I don't want to undo all the wonderful work I have done, but I feel myself slowly slipping

I have an appointment with a therapist for next week so I'm hoping that will help

Think positive and remember all that support you have had in the past, you say you are the healthiest you've ever been, be proud of that, stick with it, ask for help from friends and family

You can get through this, and you will be okay. Whatever anyone said to you, is their own problem. If they were rude to you, it's down to them, not you. They might be a) a horrible person, b) a normally nice person who said something thoughtless, or c) a person who was dealing with something else and didn't realise you were there (in the door banging scenario). Focus on how far you've come. Make a list of things that you like about yourself both physically and non physically. Both Mel Robbins and Dr Amy Johnson have good YouTube videos.

@Laurie01 thanks for your kind words ❤

@Purpleavocado thank you, I will check out those channels, they sound great ❤