How the pandemic has affected me..PTSD? Anger? Jealousy?

[Mamasaurus22]

Hi, this is my first thread so bear with me..

I need a safe space to write how I’m feeling at the moment and was curious how/if any mothers felt the same post pandemic?

im going through an awful mental health spiral which is affecting my marriage, home life, purpose, my quality of life etc. I don’t feel happy and have been blaming my husband. I’ve distanced myself from everyone and my thoughts are all over the place.

I had my second son at the end of feb 2020, then entered a pandemic like we all did with a newborn and a 2 year old. Life was hard but it was just about survival and I can’t really remember any of it now. Mine and my husbands wedding was cancelled in august 2020 so December we decided to have a small wedding in a registry office just to try and have something to look forward to. Moving on 2 years later, I feel robbed. Robbed of my sons first year of his life, not meeting or taking him anywhere, my wedding, and my husband has now had a vasectomy so he will be my final baby. I know this sounds stupid but I can’t stop crying at the fact that all of that happened and I can never do it again, for something so trivial it is killing me at the moment. People are now having these beautiful weddings and hen parties and all of that was missed, I know we all went through Covid and some people went through hell and back during that awful time, and I’m trying to reason myself why I feel so awful about the thought of missing out when people died and lost their loved ones, couldn’t see families etc, but I’m wondering if the pandemic has affected others this way mentally? Has it left a scar on any other mums that had babies in 2020? What the hell do I do.

i feel so angry all the time, miserable, unhappy, how do I get past this?

It's fine to acknowledge how you feel but also to recognize that everyone had it tough so all in the same boat. Your children are too young to remember and won't remember that they missed out on doing things, sad though this is. Older kids ( my own included )missed out proms that they had been planning towards for years, 18th birthday celebrations and graduation ceremonies.
If you resent missing out on a bigger wedding, could you still have a big party this summer as a belated celebration to get friends and family together ? If you think you are depressed then maybe see your GP. Ultimately thought I think it is a case of acknowledging and accepting what has happened and making up for lost time the best we can and hope we don't find ourselves in the situation again. Sorry if that's not terribly helpful. Like I say if you think you need further help, counselling or just someone to talk things through with then do speak to your GP rather than let them get worse.

Sorry I also wanted to say that sometimes something which you describe as trivial can just seem so much bigger when you are depressed.

I don't think that's trivial at all.
Your second and final baby had their babyhood in a shut down world and your experience of being his mother in that scenario is a world away from what it would have been in an alternate reality where the pandemic didn't happen.
Don't try to shut those feelings out, it is legitimate and necessary to need to grieve for the sliding doors life you were naturally expecting all through your pregnancy. What you got instead was hard, stressful, scary and a shock.
Trying to bury it and dismiss it is not helping you, grieve, acknowledge your loss and get help doing that if you can. It isn't trivial.