I had my daughter in the first wave of the pandemic and suffered terribly with my mental health. I tried antidepressants which I found did not work, and signed up for therapy but by the time there was space for me on the waiting list I had to go back to study (i took a year out to have my daughter). I found that getting back to this routine helped me so much.
ive now finished my course and wont be working until september. I find my daughter difficult and I have found my old depressed feelings creeping back in. She does not sleep and on average wakes up around 7-8 times a night. Sometimes i am on the sofa or in her cot bed with her depending on where she or I end up, sometimes there is no option but co sleeping. I am snappy and sad, regularly miss my old life and want to leave. I feel guilt all the time. She can be very sweet but is so headstrong, mealtimes are a nightmare and she has to be constantly entertained or she whines which drives me mad.
i have thoughts about leaving as her and her dad would be better off without me but i dont know where i would go as I dont feel I could leave her at the same time.
im supposed to be getting married next month and feel Ive done most of the organisation and my partner has barely spent any money. He doesn’t help much round the house and has never cooked me a meal, plus I don’t like the amount he drinks, its not getting drunk every night but maybe 4 beers a night every night.
i don’t know what advice I need but just feel like opening up and its so hard with friends and family with the mum guilt and feeling like you aren’t good enough and that your child deserves more.
thank you if you read all this!