What is this

[thistimewontyousaveme]

I go through months of doing nothing with my life, winding
myself up with horrible thoughts and doing not much more with
my life than complain, then I get bursts of short lived enthusiasm,
taking up a new hobby, something must be wrong with me because I dont get anywhere with them and give up. Setting myself up to fail because I cant be bothered to put in any level of effort. Ive been that way my whole life, I didnt
do exams, I failed in school, I have no friends or close family. So its the same with learning things. I just dont have a genuine interest in learning anything. I have no skills. Deep down I want to do something with my life but I musnt be able to for some reason. Ive got no self esteem and feel so far away from everyone else and alone, wondering why Ive lived as long as they have and theyre way up there whilst Im way down here. I have autism and ADHD, so I
should have one of those super brains but I dont. I feel so incompetent and unable to keep in information. my mind just goes
blank. In day to day life im unable to function. stress hits me like a ton of bricks. im very messy and have accidents and forget about leaving the oven on etc or leave the bath running. Ive got suicidal thoughts. mum doesnt understand why Im like this when shes given me everything i need to have a good life. I dont either. I feel like a failure who doesnt deserve to be alive using up resources that I dont deserve. I wish I could be good enough. I contribute nothing to society. I take more than I give and I'm self destructive.

Are you medicated?

No the local GP is incompetent

You can ask to see another, or get a private referral. Everything in your post screams "improperly managed ND" to me. Who gave you your diagnosis and did they signpost you to any resources that could help?

I don't have the money to go private all the GPs at the local practice are incompetent there used to be a good one that left. There no others locally

I don't know who diagnosed me it was years ago I don't remember being signposted to resources besides books which I cant really read because the information doesnt stay in my head

When you say they're incompetent, what exactly is the issue? They're refusing to prescribe? Is your original diagnosis on record?

They keep falsely diagnosing what I have as anxiety and nothing more, refusing to refer me to people that could actually help even though I cant self refer

I was diagnosed by a professional of some sort, no idea who though, no idea what their job was, but yes it'll be on my records

Ok then if it's on your GP records and they're refusing to prescribe I'd ask for a second opinion, and then get in touch with PALS for your area and issue a complaint.

Out of interest, were you diagnosed as a child and do your parents have the records?

So they don't agree with the ADHD diagnosis? Have they offered you any treatment for the anxiety?

ASD and ADHD has got to be a really hard combo to cope with OP, give yourself a break! I think you need some proper help though, medicating the ADHD may help slow your brain down so you can concentrate better and anxiety meds may help with the anxiety that is often present with ASD/ADHD.

My advice would be to get the anxiety meds and try them first, see if they help. Then do your research into medicating ADHD and tell them exactly what you would like to have prescribed to try to help with it. It may be that you can cope with the ADHD if you control the anxiety or it may be that the anxiety lessons if you treat the ADHD. Try the anxiety meds though to start with would be my advice and read up on the ones they prescribe.