Brother is suicidal ..seems like this is the beginning of the end :(

[Lifearound]

Don't know why I'm posting I suppose I just want support off friendly strangers :(

I will give background info first ...

My younger brother is 21 and has adhd which he has been medicated for but it's never fully worked. He has been suffering with his mental health for a long time. He lives with our parents who are late 50's and I live about 15 mins away. We have no other siblings just us two. I have a DS who is 4 months old.

Trying to cut it as short as possible but sorry if it's a long read. My dad was round at my house last night, he tells me that my DB is seriously poorly with his mental health - he's tried all different meds, therapies etc but nothing has worked. My dad said that DB has said he is going to take his own life if he doesn't get any better soon because he is exhausted from living this way :( my mum didn't want me to know as she thinks I have enough on my plate with DS etc but my dad thought I should know. DB describes himself as having brain fog and he can't function on anything or think straight. He feels trapped inside his own head and has felt this way for years. Apparently it all came to a head on Sunday night and my mum took him to the drs on Monday.

Now this is the bit that gets me and seriously frightens me... the dr asked my db if he intended on taking his own life, db said yes, so the dr asked if he had planned how he would do it, my db said yes with the belt in his bedroom :(

Now last time I was at my parents I went into DB bedroom to chat for a while. His room was a bit messy with clothes on the floor and I noticed this belt on the floor amongst the clothes and thought that's strange because DB never wears jeans, only tracksuits. But I didn't think anything of it.
So my first question to my dad ( and I would like to know if you guys would ask this too!) was where is this belt now??! My dad said still on DB bedroom. My jaw hit the floor and I shrieked and said omg why is the thing he plans to end his life with STILL in his bedroom! My dad said he's an adult and they can't take things off him, also his medication is still in his room! Am I missing something? Surely if your son was planning to end it all, and telling people how, you would remove the thing he's going to use??? Adult or not?!
The dr has escalated it to the crisis team and they have an appointment on the 30th. I said to my dad does he not need sectioning?? My dad said no! Wtf?? My dad also said he plans to do it in his bedroom, at which point I started crying at the thought of my poor mum or dad finding him. My dad said it doesn't matter where he does it. I would have
thought maybe DB might have taken himself off somewhere secluded and do it to spare my mum and dad but no?? Does this sound like my parents are giving up on him??

I am going round this afternoon to see them all. I am taking DS with me as my partner is working but I worry about DS being in a depressing environment like that.

Several things about this break my heart :(

Firstly I don't want to lose my only brother. I don't want my mum and dad to lose their son. I don't want my poor brother living this way :( he is 21 he should be enjoying life not planning to end it. I keep thinking what I was like at 21.. at uni having an absolute ball and quite frankly not doing much studying. My DB should be doing this too :( my parents are both retiring this year and are excited to become full time grandparents to my DS and enjoy holidays together and go on weekends away finally now their children are grown up and they're retired. But instead they're going Through all this :(
I don't want to have to tell my DS when he is older that his uncle Jack is in heaven and he never got to know him and I don't want him
To learn about something so depressing as suicide :(

I am exhausted from lying in bed crying all night I didn't sleep at all. My partner kept asking was I crying but I said no and blamed it on my cold. I will have to tell him everything tonight when he gets home from Work. I cant focus at all on DS today and he just keeps looking at me wondering why mummy is sad :(

when I am round there later do I get into his room and take the belt myself?? I can’t believe it’s not already been confiscated.

Anyone??? Anyone had experience of a loved one feeling suicidal ?

I’m so very sorry you are going through it. My son was suicidal and it was horrendous.

1. yes definitely remove anything he could harm himself with


2. take him to A&E immediately if you have any concern’s or call 999


3. can you take him away from where he is currently. Just a different location. Away from all the pressures.

I really hope he pulls through this. It’s so very hard when someone you love say they don’t want to love anymore

Also tell him how much you love him. People feel suicidal because they pain they are in is so bad that they want the pain to stop.
Talk about his nephew and family members who love him. Ultimately we cannot stop people doing what they want. But we can support them and remind them of all the reasons to stay.
right now he is in crisis and can’t see the way out. Hug him and tell him how much you love him. If you are really worried and help from the health service isn’t forth coming you can sleep in his room with him. I did this with my son.

Is he already known to mental health services or has all the treatment and therapies been provided through the GP? The 30th is quite a wait, if you believe he could take action imminently you could take him to a&e to get assessed. Is he on his own in his room or are your parents supervising?

The 30th is too late to see the crisis team so either take your brother to a&e tonight or speak with the GP tomorrow AM to get a sooner appointment. You just need a buffer right now, you need people to get involved as your brother isn't thinking clearly.

Your dad sounds in shock? I understand your anger at him but not sure it's warranted tbh.

I've been in a (similar) situation. My mum tried to commit suicide multiple times over 2 or 3 months when I was 6 weeks postpartum with my son (who had colic at the time). It was bloody awful, surreal. I feel like I know the limitations of the nhs tho now.

Immediately if I was you I'd consider calling 999 to say your brother is a clear danger to himself. He should be taken to a&e to be assessed.

The crisis team will help but they are not the cure. They can only do so much. It's a long road but sounds like he needs attention right now, it cannot wait.

Btw my dad and sister wouldn't call 999 as felt my mum was not serious. Literally had I not called, my mum would be gone as needed emergency resuscitation at the hospital. Trust your instincts! Not to be dramatic but you know your brother.