Crippling anxiety/panic whilst trying to be a Mum to my toddler

[Roxy1988]

I don't know what I'm asking but I feel so desperate. Since October/November time I have had crippling anxiety and panic. It is affecting me so much that some days I simply cannot look after my nearly 2 year old and my partner has to completely take over or she will spend the day with her grandparents. I feel like a terrible Mum 😢😢 I have also developed emetophobia in this time and came down with a sickness bug the other day. I didn't want my dd to see me in a bad way so slept in the front room. My partner is cross and said how disgusting that I shut my daughter out of the room 😢 I just wanted to be alone with my panic and the sickness. He stayed at his Mum and Dad's last night with our dd incase I still felt unwell and wanted to sleep in the front room. I am being called selfish and told it's just a bit of anxiety and I still have to look after dd which I absolutely understand and I know how lucky I am to have the help with dd. It isn't everyday and when I feel well I take my dd out everyday and we have a great time. Just some days I feel I can cope and don't want her to see me in a state. I have been waiting for CBT since November and take Citalopram and also now Diazepam. I just don't know what else to do 😢😢

Sorry to hear this @Roxy1988 you’re not being selfish, anxiety is a nightmare for anyone let alone with a 2 year old to look after.

Do you know what brought the anxiety on? Did you ever have it before you had your daughter?

@rainbowninja thank you for your reply. I have always suffered with some level of anxiety but never this intense or for such a long period of time. I lost my Mum to cancer last July so I guess that has a lot to do with it 😢 it's so difficult as my partner trys to understand but just doesn't and gets cross with me because he doesn't want our dd to witness any form of anxiety. I mean she has seen me cry on the odd occasion and I have sometimes gone into a room and shut the door and asked my partner to give me 5 minutes which I don't think is that terrible?? Or maybe I am wrong. I very much shield my dd from my anxiety as much as possible. If I feel like I am going to have a bad day I ask my partner to take over care of dd or grandparents take her out for the day

So sorry to hear about your mum @Roxy1988 I honestly don’t think you are doing anything wrong. When people haven’t experienced chronic anxiety they don’t know what it feels like and that you are doing your best in a really difficult situation. It’s hard to hide our emotions from our children and if anything I think it might help to normalise it a bit if we can show that we are ok with our emotions?