How do other people just 'let things go' ?

[fedup078]

Is anyone else like this?
I can be having a good day and the slightest thing can happen to ruin it
For example I'm in a really good place in life at the moment yet this morning I had a bit of a low speed near miss pulling out of a dodgy junction after many many years of uneventful driving . Nothing happened. Yet it's ruined my day and I can't stop thinking about it.

Yet other ppl do much worse things and seem to be able to brush it off without giving it a second thought

I really don't know how I will cope if anything serious every happens like I do manage to cause an accident

I also end up thinking about things that happened decades ago and can't stop playing over in my head and end up feeling like the worse person in the world . All the rapists and murders etc in the world and I can't forgive myself for making a mistake at work 15 years ago and so on .

It’s difficult to understand how other peoples minds work I think OP. It seems completely unthinkable to me that your day would be ruined by a minor driving related incident.
My mind / brain is just not wired like that - I would literally get over it in about 30 seconds. So I don’t know if it’s possible to completely escape the way we are wired without a shit ton of therapy and hard work.

But in very simple terms, I do not place any time or energy into situations I have no control over. I cannot control what other people are thinking or what they do. I can’t change the past and I can’t control the future (although we have influence right?). So to me it seems a total waste of time worrying about what someone thinks of me or what did their text mean, did they say X but mean Y. I don’t know, I can never know unless I ask them directly. So why sit and think about it - why try to decipher the subtext from things people say. I take them at their word and if they have an issue then I’d expect them to tell me, I have no energy for mind games.
You cannot change what happened this morning, the moment has gone. All you are doing is living in the past anytime you rethink it or go over it in your head. It’s the same with any past event, going over and over and over will not change the outcome. You aren’t going to suddenly find it different. So you can accept what happened and perhaps learn a lesson (If needed) and file it under “annoying but ultimately irrelevant memory”.

have you ever tried yoga or meditation or mindfulness? You might find it helpful. Practices like that help us to stay focused in the reality of the moment and the quietness inside. To stop the incessant “chatter” or stream of thoughts about the past or the future. If you can learn to control your mind, you could learn to look at a situation, accept it and move on from it?

Thanks @Googlecanthelpme
I've always been like this and it's very tiring
I wonder if CBT will help with this kind of thing. Think I'll look into it as I'm about to finish a degree so will have a lot more time of my hands

I should also add that when big things have happened like death and divorce I've been fine
It's only things I perceive to be MY FAULT

This is called rumination. It's very common and you can absolutely get help for it with CBT. Ask for a referral, but also, don't just wait around in the meantime. Your local NHS trust may offer a free course, or you can take one like Feeling Good , while you wait.

OP I really found CBT helped massively with this sort of thing. Give yourself time to process the event rationally as well as emotionally, and also talk to yourself in a caring way and gently nudge yourself back on track.

It's about the soundtrack in our heads and interrupting the negatibve intrusive one.

So in your case, you might pull up somewhere and acknowledge your reaction: Wow, I am incredibly distressed by that. It deeply shocked me mentally, physically and emotionally.

Then self care - check any physical improvements you could make: I feel a bit shaky. I might phone and say I'll be ten minutes late, then buy a cup of tea. Or if you are shivering, put an extra layer on for a moment. Etc. At this stage it's important not to make a drama out of it. E.g. if you are calling to say you;re running late donm;t go into detail as that just reinforces the fear and feeling you can;t cope. You are actually coping by giving yourself a micro-break and taking care of yourself so you can get back on track with a normal day

Then do the rational thinking. "this was scary because it hasn't happened before. It hasn't happened because I am a good and careful driver. Everyone in the entire world makes mistakes sometimes or has accidents happen that someone else is responsible for. this is normal and natural and I can cope with it. It isn't nice but it isn't a sign of anything more than normal life with its hiccups. This was a hiccup.

Then you go about your day. If you find your mind playing tricks on you, syaing: Oh how scary. Be afraid! or You dangerous driver, you shouldn;t be on the road! just interrupt and get back on track: 'Scary, yes, but done now. I survived and handled it well.' Or 'Yes, momentarily dangerous but incredibly unusual and I handled it fine. All is well now.'

Something happened to a family member during lockdown that profoundly upset me. I found I was anxious 24/7. Waking at 3 am and unable to sleep again then dragging through the days with exhaustion on top of the anxiety. Doing CBT to rationalise really helped both me and the family member as my anxiety didn't help them at all, just added to their burden of stress.

Does that sort of thing sound like it might help?

Thanks everyone
It's something I should have addressed a long time ago and not sure if it's too late now but I'll look at courses etc because it's crippling