Anxiety stopping me getting on propeprty ladder. Help (please be gentle)

[ottanxious]

Been trying to buy a property for months.

Had offers accepted and gone a little way down the road a couple of times but then all the things which 'could go wrong' overwhelm me, I freak out and withdraw after a week of panic attacks, sleepless nights, etc.
It's happened twice now, and it's inconveniencing the sellers, other buyers, and us as the market is getting nearly imposible to navigate now.

Please be gentle. I know it's awful. I'm ashamed and feel dreadful for both sellers that we've inconvenienced, and that we've both kicked ourselves in the face in possibly losing what I know would have been a good property for us rationally but irrationally I just freak out and can't see the wood from the trees, and then either withdraw or

I'm waiting for a call from my doctor about some meds - but just a vent I guess.
Anyone else experience this and got any tips on how to be more rational with such a big decision - as we really need to buy somewhere and get on property ladder

I had this! I bought a new build off plot 8 months before completing and two weeks before I was due to get the keys, I freaked out and spiraled in to panic. I was thinking what if I don’t settle here? What if I associate the house with panic etc. on the walk round the day before, my legs were like bin bags of jelly! But I got the keys and it’s been the best thing I’ve ever done. I can’t imagine being anywhere else other than my beautiful home. You have to push through the fear and anxiety because the moment you have something that’s truly yours, you will never want anything else and it will be your safe place. Xx

Do you have a partner you're buying with? If so, how have they felt about offering/ withdrawing?

I'll be gentle! Anxiety is the mind's way of telling you that you need to pay attention, that something important is happening and, as such, it's an important emotion. (Not an illness or disorder, an emotion). If we didn't have any anxiety in our lives we wouldn't both going to work, we wouldn't turn up for dates, we wouldn't do anything at all as nothing would be seen as worthy of attention.

When anxiety tells us to pay attention our body reacts; the heart quickens, our breathing becomes faster and shallower and we go into a mild flight or fight response. All perfectly natural and exactly the same whether you are about to have sex, give a presentation, go on a rollercoaster or buy a house.

The problem comes when your mind starts imagining all the things that can go wrong. You might fart during sex, dry up mid speech, fall out of the ride or the house might fall down. This is where you can consciously stop the negative thoughts, examine them for validity and change the narrative.

In your case, think of all the steps you take to protect yourself from making a bad purchase - survey of the house, research of the area, legal checks by your solicitor, making sure you've budgeted correctly. There are loads of unknowns but by being as sure as you can about the knowns you can change your feeling of anxiety from that of dread to excitement.

One last thing, when you imagine you are actually pretending - the two are the same. So pretend positive!