Bullied badly from primary all the way to the end of high school, relentlessly every single day, if not bullied in school the bullies would hang around near my house or in town centre and if saw me a barrage of abuse and even got their mates that werent at my school to call me names and spit on me. My crime from a 5 year old girl was I was ugly, being half blind and skinny gave people the right to make my life hell. Im now in my 40s and my mental health is not functioning right, my teeth are broken yellow, one is going black and crooked so I never smile, the dentist is extortionate and on my min wages I can't afford to see him or pay for work done. I yank my hair out in clumps and I'm just a total mess. I keep things to myself because everyone has their own problems. I work in a crap job with crap pay, i never had good grades to make it to uni mainly because id sit in fear and embarrassment in school from an onslaught of spitballs, jabbed in back and name calling. I see former bullies all smiley happy and I think how dare you be happy when you made my life hell. I live in this horrible way and though I can't help feeling how I do or hold people from my past responsible for my teeth or mental health, I do feel bitter and resentful.
No chance seeing a doctor as waiting lists are long and mental health clinics the lists are longer.
I dont know what to do?