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Mental health

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Original poster

Please help with partners breakdown

11 replies

Tempname123456 · 21/05/2022 10:42

My partner is having a mental breakdown which has resulted in him resigning from his job when he doesnt have one to go to and, after months of mood swings and thinking the worst of me, he has finished things with me. I have asked him to get therapy and/or antidepressants or any sort of help, but he refuses. I am close to giving up on him but I dont think anyone else can save him. I'm not sure I can either now. It would help me if I understood the condition he has. He basically ignores anything positive I say and makes it all negative. Any mild criticism or honest opinion is massively blown out of all proportions. He does not suffer from stress or anxiety, this is depression based. Please can anyone offer help or advice?

OP posts:

Hadalifeonce · 21/05/2022 10:49

He really does need to see his GP. If he won't, you won't be able to help him. You may well have to separate to save yourself.
DH is going through a breakdown, he has sought help, and is on medication, even so, I find it incredibly hard and am having counselling. I cannot imagine how bad it would be if he wasn't having help.

Original poster

Tempname123456 · 21/05/2022 10:57

Thank you Hadalifeonce. I know how hard it is. I have had this before, I seem to attract depressed men, maybe its me???

OP posts:

Hadalifeonce · 21/05/2022 11:03

Save yourself, if he won't get help, there is nothing you can do. He will suck the life from you.

I feel like I am loosing the man I love, although there is the odd glimpse of him which gives me hope.
What do you have?

Original poster

Tempname123456 · 21/05/2022 11:19

What do you mean, what do I have? I fear you are right although it is hard to read.

OP posts:

Hadalifeonce · 21/05/2022 11:47

I suppose I mean what do you get from this relationship? It's obviously one you don't seem to get anything from.

Original poster

Tempname123456 · 21/05/2022 13:16

He was my everything.

One of my friends has just suggested he may have had a mini stroke.

OP posts:

Hadalifeonce · 21/05/2022 20:24

HE needs to get help, you can't do this alone. He can't do this alone.
What does he say if you try to persuade him to get support?

cornflakedreams · 21/05/2022 20:29

Maybe you need to prioritise saving yourself rather than other people. Since you seem to be suggesting that trying to rescue/save people is a pattern you're in - and one that's repeatedly caused you pain.

Relationships aren't about trying to be someone's rescuer.

You've posted about this a lot and I don't think this is within your power to fix, much as I appreciate letting go is hard.

Isitcake · 21/05/2022 20:50

People who are depressed need to want to help themselves before you can do anything.

You can't force him to go to therapy or a GP or anything else. He has to choose to go. If he won't, even to save your relationship, then it's over.

I'm truly sorry you are going through this, I have been there. I was lucky my partner decided to get help. But it was a long hard 2 year road before things started to get back to normal.

You need to protect yourself too. Don't get dragged down trying to help someone who doesn't want it, it is draining.

Original poster

Tempname123456 · 22/05/2022 19:00

He is currently in a place where he has absolutely no idea he is mentally unwell. I asked him how his mental health was this morning, he said fine (he has previously admitted that his head is "on fire"). He thinks it is me who is overreacting. I appreciate all those of you who are saying walk away, truly I do, and trust me I have contemplated it. But when he's well he has got me through so many mental low points and I feel I can't let him struggle alone. He is currently living full time in a camper van, he was previously living half the week with me. I am really worried about what will happen to him.

OP posts:

ValerieDoonican · 22/05/2022 19:18

He isn't your responsibility. He doesn't want your help. Which means you cannot help him. It's somewhat presumptuous of you to think you can interfere.

He could only help you because you allowed him to. He is not returning this complement.

Leave him alone. You are not God, and you are not his mum, so he doesn't have to do what you tell him to. If anything" happens to him "THAT IS UP TO HIM NOT YOU. He has separated from you, yet you are still obsessing over him, to absolutely zero purpose (except perhaps making you feel important?) .

You need to disentangle yourself from him and work out why you end up thinking you can rescue people. It is ridiculous and unhealthy and you need to stop

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