Just been musing today and I’d like any thoughts from others please. I had terrible postnatal anxiety and OCD about 13 years ago after my second child was born. I initially sought help because my anxiety was so bad I was struggling to be in my house, I had an obsessive thought someone would come and get me. There was no basis to this. I also developed an eating disorder over the year I waited for CBT. That was, no question, about control, and in that respect it worked for me. It was the one thing I felt in control of. I lost a lot of weight. The CBT saved my life and also led me to be diagnosed with OCD due to intrusive thoughts. I had CBT over a year and it helped a lot. I’ve been in situations since that I know would have seen me spiral were it not for the CBT.
I’ve since had 2 more dc, my youngest 3 years ago. I really struggled after her birth. We had losses before conceiving her and I spent the whole pregnancy worried. As soon as she was born, she was very high needs. Spent all day and night screaming. She was eventually diagnosed with various allergies and a hernia but I was made to feel like I was neurotic and not coping, and tbh I wasn’t. I was unhappy, and I really really didn’t enjoy her.
She’s now at preschool half the week which has been a big help mentally. But I’ve realised I’m having the same trouble about having to be out of the house and busy. I have no feeling that someone is coming to get me, I just seem totally unable to relax. I’ve had the whole day with everyone out of the house today and rather than relax I’ve run around like a mad woman doing things. Is this just being a mum?
I have an appointment next week to speak to the nurse practitioner as I’ve suspected for about a year now that I’m perimenopausal, despite being only 37. She did some blood tests a year ago but they were inconclusive. My periods were always like clockwork and about a week long, they’re now all over the place and last 2 days at most, meaning one day is incredibly heavy. The worst thing is the insomnia. I don’t remember the last time I slept well, as I’ve always struggled with sleep.
Does this sound like a hormonal or mental health issue do you think? I know no one can give me a definitive answer but I’m starting to worry and recognise that I list can’t give myself a break. I’m physically unable to relax, the idea of sitting down and just resting makes me feel so guilty and my mind is always racing with the things I should be doing. Sorry for the essay